This is Oliver Richman. At the tender age of only 9 years old, his parents and grandparents (who feature prominently in the following videos) plucked tiny Oliver from obscurity, put a microphone in his hands, hired Martin Scorcese’s cinematographer, and attempted to turn him into a Youtube singing sensation. The next Bieber. The next Greyson. OLIVER.
Just one slight problem. Oliver’s videos are comically terrible. Truly and really just bad. Here is his cover of “Defying Gravity,” with an extremely necessary cameo by his admittedly fantastic Grandmother at the very beginning.
His singing is fine — not amazing, just fine (says the girl who used to kill covering Shirley Bassey’s “Goldfinger” at 5). But Oliver is 4 and a half solid feet of walking stage parent lunch meat. Just a young boy thrust into the internet spotlight by parents who don’t understand that this will be around to haunt the poor boy FOREVER.
As comedian Jeff Mac put it: “Holy living hell. I hope he becomes a famous singer, because if he doesn’t, he will almost certainly become a famous murderer.”
Ahead, another unforgettable “Oliver Original,” featuring actual tiny Christmas tree hugging, brilliant over-acting, and a little girl who should be removed from her parents’ home at once.
Someone, quickly, get this kid’s hair a reality show.
Moral of the story: If your kid is 9, do not put videos of him or her singing while kneeling on a beach or over a small Christmas tree on Youtube because you are ruining that kid’s life. And we’ll give you a link to his website, to drive some guilt-ridden traffic on over.
(With thanks to Livia Scott for the heads up.)
Here’s a gif for the holiday season: