It looks like the Heene family has found a new and exciting way to exploit their kids, and this time it’s a treat for the ears! After soaring to the dizzying heights of fame by not soaring to dizzying heights in a balloon last fall, Falcon Heene is forming a boy band. He and his two brothers have reportedly been practicing in their new Miami home, and it’s rumored that parents Richard and Mayumi will serve as backup musicians. It’ll be like the Partridge Family, but much more desperate. Or the Jackson 5, but the dad is even more of a creep. The family hopes that the success of the band will help them sell their patented “bear scratcher” device. But don’t worry, we’re sure they’re in it for the music, too.
“Richard himself plays harmonica, and his wife is a good guitar player too,” says friend and music associate Smokey Miles to Radar Online. You may recognize him as the dude who wrote the Heene’s bear scratcher jingle. “They are encouraging their boys with the band, but they haven’t come up with a name yet. They wanted to call themselves The Balloon Boy Band, but for legal reasons, this would not be permitted, so other names like The Bear Scratch Band are being talked about as well.” Legal reasons? Is there a “Balloon Boy Family Singers” out there that we’re not aware of? Is this whole venture just a massive Bear Scratcher ad? “The family is doing well just now after everything they went through,” Smokey continued, “And they are actually a good example for other families in these recessionary times.” Totally! Why aren’t more families using their kids to pimp their crappy product!? People are so lazy.
This is not the Heene’s first attempt at music superstardom. Let us not forget last year’s musical offering, “Not Pussified.” Check out the music video (written and directed by Papa and Mama Heene!) up top.