Man, Kevin Smith has such bad luck with airlines! Actually, we all do—we just aren’t famous enough to turn our delays into a news event. The Clerks director, who was famously “too fat to fly” Southwest Airlines in February, took to his blog Monday to bitch about missing a Virgin Airlines flight with wife Jennifer Schwalbach and pal Jason “Jay” Mewes. Seems the snooty staff refused to let them on the plane despite arriving with an airport liaison more than ten minutes before the departing time (“Sometimes, y’all put folks up front who give your company a bad name”). Though he didn’t mention being raped by x-ray scanners, Smith was furious they wouldn’t give his wife’s luggage back (“Dorothy, the concierge, said in her 27 years working with all the airlines, she’d never seen anything like it.”) Mewes acknowledged the “nightmare” on his Twitter, but seems to have gotten over it (“Morning boner ;)”).
Unlike Southwest, Virgin Airlines quickly apologized for the drama—leaving Smith to explain to his fans why he has a “liaison” bring him to boarding so late in the game. “When you fly first, you board first, sit down…and then EVERYONE files past you. And when you’re the Too Fat To Fly guy on a plane? Well, everyone stares. Then the whispering starts. A hundred people look right at you—when you’re not on a stage. It kinda blows…[the liason’s] job is to get you to the plane on time, but not when boarding begins; that way, you don’t have to play the Elephant Man for passengers passing you en route to their seats…The entire service is designed to get you to the plane door shortly before the door closes.” Unsurprisingly, he learned about this service from a certain Ben Affleck. But hey, if you don’t want people to stare at you…don’t be a 40-year-old man in knee-length jorts!
[Photo: Getty Images]