When Jersey Shore’s Sammi said her new cast member Deena Cortese was “exactly like Snooki,” she was not joking around. In fact, the clips we’ve seen so far made us sort of worried that Deena, Snooki’s friend IRL, might be so Snickerfied that our girl Snooki’s original spark could be lost under twice the amount of bronzer. As the Jersey Shore season premiere nears, we couldn’t help but note that the Jersey stars similarities include:
- Approximately Cabbage Patch Doll-height in inches
- Color of tan best described as “Well-Used Basketball”
- Deena is as smush-crazy as Snooki, if not more so. As Deena explained to Life & Style, “The most guys I’ve hooked up with in one night is probably three,” the use of the word “probably” implying to us that she might not exactly know what her highest number is. “People consider me a man-eater. I don’t really like dating, though. Dates can be so awkward!”
- Deena has already showed “her goods” to The Situation, as she explained to VH1.com this morning, further following in Snooki’s footsteps. Well, and the footsteps of every girl on the Eastern Seaboard.
- Both girls are almost guaranteed to get crazy-jealous over one or more of the Jersey Shore dudes this season. “They’re guys who have nice muscles on them but aren’t too big. They go to the gym, but they’re not juiced-up. Pauly D would be a lean cuisine. Mike too, not Ronnie,” Deena gushed. Why, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s three right there! How convenient and unsettling!
As much as we already love the filthy mouth on Deena, we thought, what will become of that small spark that makes Snooki so, well, Snookilicious? Luckily we were able to remind ourselves by watching Ellen Degeneres, where it was revealed that Snooki wakes up in a garbage can once a month. When asked by Ellen if she intentionally gets black-out drunk, Snooki confirms, “Yes, because I want to remember my night and sometimes I just don’t. It sucks. So you’re like, “What did I do? Why did I wake up in a garbage can?” Even though Snooki explained to Ellen,”Well, I don’t want to be a role model,” she’ll always be ours. And maybe, just maybe, we can make room in our hearts this winter for two tiny drunken orange angels, rather than just one.
BONUS: Here’s an interview that we conducted with Deena earlier today!