10 Major Changes Planned For The Spider-Man Musical

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After months of nonstop mishaps and stuntman injuries, the musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark is promising “significant changes” before its official opening on March 15th. Here’s a list of 10 major changes they’re currently considering:

1. First Act closing number “Watch Me Juggle These Chainsaws, MJ” shortened

2. Crotch-lasers recalibrated

3. Orchestra Pit lions issued stern warning

4. Search for remaining stray mines under stage intensified

5. Shrapnel cannon aimed towards Aunt May’s nonvital organs

6. Flaming balcony seats covered with thick blanket

7. Stuntmen reassured they are immortal

8. Mercenaries sent after U2′s families called off

9. Ticket prices raised $10

10. Part where Spider-Man shoots Green Goblin in face cut

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