America, you’re not just hurting yourself by watching Two And A Half Men, you’re also hurting Charlie Sheen. While TMZ reports Sheen will spend three months in rehab, PopEater says he’ll be out far sooner if the show’s ratings stay stupendous. “If the ratings go through the roof again, as they did after Charlie’s incident in New York, CBS and Charlie will be out [of rehab] again in no time and back to his old ways,” a source tells Rob Shuter. “However, if the public finally stops rewarding Charlie for his bad behavior, then, and only then, can you expect him to take the situation seriously.” Maybe the show can do a phone poll to see where America stands on the subject? Text “86” if we want him sober and “69” if we want Charlie Sheen to live in a mansion of porn stars?
While it’s absurd to think his well-being will be weighed quite so crassly, cutting Sheen off from his massive paychecks would make it harder for Charlie to blow $500,000 on prostitutes and drugs in a 6 month period—nothing to a guy who makes several million an episode. But stories of Charlie Sheen dancing naked before he was wheeled away by paramedics are unlikely to make people not want to watch the guy each week. For Charlie to stay clean, someone might have to sacrifice a payday or two.