As the clock turns 4 p.m. this afternoon here on the East Coast, our guacamole-and-Bud-Light-induced hangover is finally receding from the beachhead it established in our frontal cortex early this morning, which means we’re just now starting to be able to look back at Super Bowl XLV and parse out exactly what happened. Yes, Christina Aguilera flubbed the lyrics to the national anthem somethin’ fierce, Groupon decimated all of the goodwill they had built up thanks to one a tone deaf ad and the Black Eyed Peas turned in a lamentable halftime performance but, thankfully, those aren’t the kinds of moments that will haunt us in our sleep for all eternity. However, the same cannot be said for the ghastly three seconds of footage that Fox aired yesterday of Cameron Diaz feeding Alex Rodriguez popcorn.
If you have a strong enough stomach, follow along for our frame-by-frame breakdown of what was going through A-Rod’s head during the most traumatic thing to happen to the popcorn industry since the death of Orville Redenbacher.
“It’s so good! Once the salt hits your lips, it’s SO GOOD!”
“Whoops, looks like I’m on the Jumbotron. Really hope they’re not showing this moment on national television.”
“You know, even if they are, it doesn’t matter. I look GOOD eating popcorn. A-Rod, you’re one handsome devil.”
“Wait wait, there’s still some remnants of salt and liquid butter on your fingers, Cameron. Let me lick ‘em clean.”
“Mmmmmmm. Sweet, sweet butter…”
“Look at us, we’re the modern day Lady and the Tramp!”
[Animated GIF courtesy of Growing Pangs]