HOTTEST LEFTOVERS
Ricky Martin’s Package
COMING THIS SUMMER TO A THEATER NEAR YOU: BRUNO MARS IS “TINY INDETERMINATE RACE ELVIS”
Starring Bruno Mars
HANDSOMEST BOSTON TERRIER SINCE THIS GUY
Marc Anthony (alongside wife Jennifer ‘Furious’ Lopez)
ONLY PERSON MORE EFFECTIVE IN WARNING AMERICANS ABOUT THROAT CANCER THAN THE THROAT HOLE LADY
Bob Dylan
THE SLUTTY APPLE DOES NOT FALL FAR FROM THE WHORE TREE
Miley Cyrus and Tish Cyrus
MOST SLIMMING
Cee-Lo’s Gay Peacock Ensemble
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MAFIOSO F*CKS A DISCO BALL
Snooki
MOST TERRIFIED ICE FISHERMAN
The Ice Fisherman That Discovers Lady Gaga
SWANK YOU, COME AGAIN
Adam Lambert
MOST EFFICIENT SWIFFER
Rihanna
PERSON I WISH WOULD THANK ME AS HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND ON STAGE
Matt Bellamy of Muse
WHAT ZOMBIES MASTURBATE TO
Lady Gaga
JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE
Lil’ Wayne
KATRINA, OUR CHEF, IS REALLY COOKING IN HER SCARF AND SHE’S WHIPPING UP EXCITEMENT IN HER BOOTS. THANK YOU KATRINA. THANK YOU KATRINA.
Actress Pauley Perrette
WE HAD TO MAKE THIS GIF JUST TO CLEARLY POINT OUT THE COMPARISON
Hereby concluding the greatest GIF in Internet History. #thankyoukatrina
JUST ANOTHER EARLY MORNING NYC SUBWAY COMMUTE
Lady Gaga
WHAT HELL IS
Gwyneth Paltrow Singing In A Catsuit On A Piano Surrounded By Muppets
CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE WORST THING ABOUT THIS PHOTO IS?
Answer: Willow Smith has an Iphone
LOCATION WHERE ONE CAN EXPECT TO FIND USHER’S HAND IN THIS PHOTO
Up Justin Bieber’s Ass. (See More in “Ventriloquism For Dummies.”)
WALKING “TRUE GRIT” SPOILER ALERT
Kris Kristofferson
BEST COUPLE
Beyonce and Sammy Davis Jr.
JAW MOST LIKELY TO CAUSE FIRE IN A MICROWAVE
Puff Daddy
MOST PROVOCATIVE RAGGEDY ANN DIAPER
Rihanna
MOST STUNNING BREAST IMPLANTS
Gaga’s Shoulders
LEAST SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT TO GET ME TO WATCH “HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER,” CBS
Jason Segel
THE FRENCH-CANADIAN HIPSTER REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN
Arcade Fire, Winners of Best Album of the Year
MOST LIKELY TO SAY “WELCOME TO EARTH”
Star of the hit Broadway musical Independence Day, Will Smith
TEALING THE SPOTLIGHT
Mick Jagger’s Quite Stunning Quilted Teal Blazer
SOMEONE BRING HIM SOME MUTHAF*CKIN’ LIPTON ICED TEA, FURREAL
Eminem
GAY BRAINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nicki “Gay Zombie” Minaj
SOON TO BE MURDERED BY JUSTIN BIEBER FANSIEST
Best New Artist Winner Esperanza Spalding
AUBERGENIUS
BABS STREISAND
BEST DIRECTOR
Steven Spielberg
HAS ANYONE SEEN HER CONTACT
Mosh Pit Jenkins aka Janelle Monae
ME HATE GLEE BUT ME HAVE SEX WITH YOU ANYWAY.
Lea Michele and Clay Matthews
LONGEST ARM
Nicole Kidman
FANCIEST MONOPOLY MAN
B.O.B.
HOTTEST MOST TALENTED BITCH IN THE UNIVERSE
Jennifer Hudson. We Find No Faults.
BEST JORDIN SPARKS IMPERSONATOR
Gram’ma Funk
WORST JORDIN SPARKS
Jordin Sparks
ALSO PROOF THAT SPANX CAN BE USED AS A MURDER WEAPON
Jordan Sparks’ Grimace
WINNER OF BEST NEW ARTIST AT THIS YEAR’S “RAPIES”
John Mayer
9 YEAR OLDS THAT HAVE FAR MORE WEALTH THAN I WILL EVER SEE IN A LIFETIME
Jaden Smith and Justin Bieber
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CONDOM SANDIEGO
Gagagagagagagagagagagaga
G’NIGHT!
Gram’ma Funk
[Photos: Getty Images
