FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: The 53rd Annual Grammy Awards

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HOTTEST LEFTOVERS


Ricky Martin’s Package


COMING THIS SUMMER TO A THEATER NEAR YOU: BRUNO MARS IS “TINY INDETERMINATE RACE ELVIS”


Starring Bruno Mars


HANDSOMEST BOSTON TERRIER SINCE THIS GUY


Marc Anthony (alongside wife Jennifer ‘Furious’ Lopez)




ONLY PERSON MORE EFFECTIVE IN WARNING AMERICANS ABOUT THROAT CANCER THAN THE THROAT HOLE LADY


Bob Dylan



THE SLUTTY APPLE DOES NOT FALL FAR FROM THE WHORE TREE


Miley Cyrus and Tish Cyrus


MOST SLIMMING


Cee-Lo’s Gay Peacock Ensemble


WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MAFIOSO F*CKS A DISCO BALL


Snooki


MOST TERRIFIED ICE FISHERMAN


The Ice Fisherman That Discovers Lady Gaga


SWANK YOU, COME AGAIN


Adam Lambert


MOST EFFICIENT SWIFFER


Rihanna


PERSON I WISH WOULD THANK ME AS HIS PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND ON STAGE


Matt Bellamy of Muse


WHAT ZOMBIES MASTURBATE TO


Lady Gaga


JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE


Lil’ Wayne


KATRINA, OUR CHEF, IS REALLY COOKING IN HER SCARF AND SHE’S WHIPPING UP EXCITEMENT IN HER BOOTS. THANK YOU KATRINA. THANK YOU KATRINA.


Actress Pauley Perrette


WE HAD TO MAKE THIS GIF JUST TO CLEARLY POINT OUT THE COMPARISON

Hereby concluding the greatest GIF in Internet History. #thankyoukatrina



JUST ANOTHER EARLY MORNING NYC SUBWAY COMMUTE


Lady Gaga



WHAT HELL IS


Gwyneth Paltrow Singing In A Catsuit On A Piano Surrounded By Muppets


CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE WORST THING ABOUT THIS PHOTO IS?


Answer: Willow Smith has an Iphone


LOCATION WHERE ONE CAN EXPECT TO FIND USHER’S HAND IN THIS PHOTO


Up Justin Bieber’s Ass. (See More in “Ventriloquism For Dummies.”)


WALKING “TRUE GRIT” SPOILER ALERT


Kris Kristofferson


BEST COUPLE


Beyonce and Sammy Davis Jr.



JAW MOST LIKELY TO CAUSE FIRE IN A MICROWAVE


Puff Daddy



MOST PROVOCATIVE RAGGEDY ANN DIAPER


Rihanna



MOST STUNNING BREAST IMPLANTS


Gaga’s Shoulders



LEAST SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT TO GET ME TO WATCH “HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER,” CBS


Jason Segel



THE FRENCH-CANADIAN HIPSTER REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN


Arcade Fire, Winners of Best Album of the Year



MOST LIKELY TO SAY “WELCOME TO EARTH”


Star of the hit Broadway musical Independence Day, Will Smith



TEALING THE SPOTLIGHT


Mick Jagger’s Quite Stunning Quilted Teal Blazer



SOMEONE BRING HIM SOME MUTHAF*CKIN’ LIPTON ICED TEA, FURREAL


Eminem



GAY BRAINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS


Nicki “Gay Zombie” Minaj



SOON TO BE MURDERED BY JUSTIN BIEBER FANSIEST


Best New Artist Winner Esperanza Spalding



AUBERGENIUS


BABS STREISAND



BEST DIRECTOR


Steven Spielberg



HAS ANYONE SEEN HER CONTACT


Mosh Pit Jenkins aka Janelle Monae



ME HATE GLEE BUT ME HAVE SEX WITH YOU ANYWAY.


Lea Michele and Clay Matthews



LONGEST ARM


Nicole Kidman



FANCIEST MONOPOLY MAN


B.O.B.



HOTTEST MOST TALENTED BITCH IN THE UNIVERSE


Jennifer Hudson. We Find No Faults.



BEST JORDIN SPARKS IMPERSONATOR


Gram’ma Funk



WORST JORDIN SPARKS


Jordin Sparks



ALSO PROOF THAT SPANX CAN BE USED AS A MURDER WEAPON


Jordan Sparks’ Grimace



WINNER OF BEST NEW ARTIST AT THIS YEAR’S “RAPIES”


John Mayer



9 YEAR OLDS THAT HAVE FAR MORE WEALTH THAN I WILL EVER SEE IN A LIFETIME


Jaden Smith and Justin Bieber



WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CONDOM SANDIEGO


Gagagagagagagagagagagaga



G’NIGHT!


Gram’ma Funk

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