Ke$ha Makes Homemade Tattoos, Is Pretty Sure They Don’t Cause Gangrene

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Of all the services we’d hire Ke$ha for, tattooing is right up there with Lasik eye surgery and babysitting. In her new Vanity Fair interview, we learn that Ke$ha has a tattoo machine at home, and apparently spent her Super Bowl carving some prison-style ink into her hairdresser’s arm. “He said he wanted a tattoo, so I whipped out my new tattoo gun. It’s really loud; it makes this whirring noise like some scary electronic mouth drill from the dentist. He got really freaked out and said, ‘No, no, no, just give me an old school tattoo,’” the singer said. We personally wouldn’t want a crudely-drawn unicorn scrawled in our flesh courtesy of Ke$ha, but then again we would assume a man who creates Ke$ha’s trash-chic looks would have slightly different standards.

As you can imagine, things just got worse for Ke$ha’s stylist from there. “So I whipped out a sewing needle and ink pen, and I gave him this tattoo. And he was like, ‘No, first you have to sterilize the needle!’ And all we had was some Jack Daniels,” Ke$ha explains. “We just kind of soaked it for twenty seconds. And the man still has an arm. He didn’t get gangrene or any sort of diseases,” indicating that Ke$ha’s litmus test for a great idea is apparently, “Do your limbs rot off immediately after you to it?” The interview goes on to discuss Ke$ha’s claim that she actually brushes with Jack, name-checks her idol Oscar the Grouch (we wish we were joking) and claims that in her new concerts, “I am shooting glitter from glitter guns and out of every orifice in my body.” Hmm, if that isn’t a sign of some horrible ink-related illness, we don’t know what is.

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