Ricky Gervais Offers His Own Jokes For The Oscars

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Ricky Gervais posted a script for James Franco & Anne Hathaway‘s Oscar opening on his blog, and it’s a naughty one! You just know Franco is arguing with a group of Oscar producers that they should read every single word on air, possibly he wears a Gervais mask. Here’s a sampling that should explain why our hypothetical Franco (who is hypothetically dressed like Carmen Miranda) won’t get his way.

  • Anne: “I’m the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.”
  • James: “It’s going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.”
  • James: “For the same reason [Gervais] doesn’t have botox or suck up to important producers – there’s something wrong with him.”
  • Anne: “And even though most of the actresses here have eating disorders, that’s better than being fat right?”
  • James: “[Toy Story 3] was ruined for me because the little brat was screaming and crying all the way through the film saying, ‘Who are you?’ ‘You’re not my daddy.’ ‘Take me back to the park where you grabbed me…’”

Do you think Ricky’s funny or is this guy just trying to milk his Golden Globes moment for all its worth?

[Photos: Getty Images/ ABC]