Charlie Sheen sure had a great day today. If you have ten minutes you don’t mind never getting back, we implore you to listen to the full audio of Sheen’s radio rant on The Alex Jones Show to find out how spectacularly Sheen is doing compared to everyone else on the planet. For example, Sheen has a host of venomous (i.e. incomprehensible) insults for producer Chuck Lorre, who ripped on Sheen in the Two And A Half Men vanity cards. Charlie claims he “embarrassed him in front of his children and the world” by bouncing back so quickly, before calling him a “charlatan” and one of many “turds” who have a personal vendetta against Sheen. The actor also rips on Alcoholics Anonymous, calling it a “bootleg cult” based on “a silly book of lies” while scoffing “I have a disease? Bulls–t! I cured it with my mind!” We guess when you’re doing as well as Charlie, “cured” has the same meaning as “am not doing any drugs this exact second.”
Despite what we may have heard previously, Charlie’s ex Brooke Mueller is not on vacation with Sheen and his other goddesses. “Where there were 4 there are now 3. Goodbye Brooke. Good luck in your travels, you’re going to need it. Badly,” Sheen snarls, before dismissing the host’s compliments by saying “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p—y.” Don’t worry, Brooke. If the Founding Fathers can’t measure up to Charlie’s demanding standards, well, then there’s no way any of us mere mortals can either.
[Photo: Getty Images]