Tonight’s Academy Awards were extraordinary not just for the stunning gowns, the surging emotions, and Jennifer Hudson‘s shockingly teeny waist. Seriously, when did that woman become a walking toothpick? No, the most remarkable part of the show was the sheer number of times we stared at the screen in complete disbelief and yelled, “Whaaaaa?” From the skin-crawling to the unfunny, the obscene to the blundering, here are our top five picks for the most cringe-inducing moments at the 83rd Academy Awards (and there were a lot):
5) Melissa Leo drops the F-bomb: As adorable as it was to see a stunned Leo snag Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Fighter, hearing her develop a cause of pirate mouth in front of all those couture gowns almost made our monocle fall into our champagne flute. You ain’t Charlestown anymore, Leo!
4) The Ghost of Bob Hope introduces Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law: Bob Hope has been dead for almost eight years, and he still managed to be a funnier, more charming host than Franco or Hathaway. Not that it makes using a hologram of the deceased star any less creepy. In fact, we were so weirded out by Zombie Bob Hope, we almost couldn’t enjoy the smoking hot Jude zinging the equally gorgeous Robert. Obviously we did, but still, it shouldn’t have been that hard.
3) James Franco dressed as Marilyn Monroe: Watching James Franco lumber out in a cheap, ill-fitting ball gown dress? Cringe-inducing. Watching a cross-dressing Franco make a barely-still-topical Charlie Sheen joke? Welcome to Disasterscape 2011.
2) James Franco in general: Where exactly did Franco go after the Best Animated Feature award? Or after Halle Berry‘s tribute to Lena Horne? Or the other half a dozen times he was separated from Anne to let her host alone? After so much hype about Franco’s eccentric taste and unpredictable energy, the last thing we expected was his conspicuous absence, or for the various other hosts to outshine him while he smirked in the corner. Maybe if he’d been able to open his eyes more than a tiny crack, Franco’d be able to see what a snooze-fest his Oscars had become.
1) Kirk Douglas presents Best Supporting Actress: You guys, look. According to Wikipedia tonight, Kirk Douglas is 294. While that might be a slight exaggeration, Douglas was none-the-less a bizarre choice to kick off what we were told to consider the “young people’s Oscars.” Despite the fact that everyone in America was silently rooting for him, Kirk’s excruciatingly long, barely intelligible intro had us burying our face in our hands, helping set the tone for the most awkward Oscars ceremony in recent memory.
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