Charlie Sheen Takes Over TV, Threatens To Sue CBS For Over $300 Million

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A+ to ABC for using the Oscars audience to begin the onslaught of publicity for their upcoming interview with Charlie Sheen, airing tomorrow night on a special episode of 20/20. And if that wasn’t enough, the crazy train took a stop at the Today show this morning, with Charlie calling himself a “warlock” and demanding a 50% raise. If he doesn’t get it, Charlie plans to sue CBS for potentially $320 million for “mental anguish” over the network and producer Chuck Lorre shutting down Two And A Half Men for the season. We’re just going to let the man speak for himself now:

  • “I get in trouble for being honest. I am old-fashioned, I am a nobleman, I am chivalrous. I believe that chivalry is not dead, it’s just been in a coma for a long time.”
  • “Yeah, I am on a drug. It’s called…Charlie Sheen! It’s not available, because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off. Your children will weep over your exploded body.”
  • “I woke up…I’ve been this ‘aw shucks’ guy with this completely bitchin’ rock star life and I’m just gonna embrace it. I’m gonna wrap both arms around it and love it violently. And defend it violently through violent hatred.”
  • “They’re in breach, they’re in radical breach….[I'm going to sue for] tons. I’m going to actually put it on a scale, like ‘a little more, a little more, add some gold. Bingo!’ I’m here to collect. They’re going to lose in a courtroom, so I recommend they do an out of court settlement.”

See video of the interviews after the jump.

Here’s the ABC clip:

And the Today show clip (“I’m tired of pretending I’m not special…they can’t figure me out…you can’t process me with a normal brain”):

For those who can’t get enough rant action, ABC has also released a clip of Charlie saying he’s not bipolar (“I’m bi-winning—I win here, I win there”). Oddly, the actor said he’d be happy to go back to work for the man he called ‘Chaim Levine’ if possible. “I’m sorry I offended [Lorre]…I didn’t think you were gonna take your little ball and go home and punish everybody.” Do you think Sheen will actually get Two And A Half Men back on the air, especially after calling the show a “pukefest”? If not, the network may just pay the guy off—a possibility he’s clearly happy to accept.

For more rant action, check out Charlie

[Photo: ABC]

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