Charlie Sheen Officially Fired From Two And A Half Men, Seeks Intern

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Well, we could have seen this coming, rocketing towards us across the horizon on a warlock-piloted mercury surfboard powered by liquid win: Charlie Sheen has been fired from Two And A Half Men. “After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on ‘Two and a Half Men,’ effective immediately,” a rep for Warner Bros reported, though another source said it was still unclear whether or not the show would go on sans #TigerBlood. We’re not going to lie; we’re sort of surprised. Given how wildly popular the show is, we would have thought Chuck Lorre and his crew would  have moved into a mansion next to Sheen rather than give up that sitcom money. Looks like we’re just as delusional as…well, as someone who is extremely, extremely delusional.

Not that Charlie is letting the news get him down. “This is very good news,” Sheen responded to his firing to TMZ, “They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of their bazillions, never have to look at whatshisc–k again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.” Now that he can forget about that pesky day job, Charlie can move on to his many projects like Sheen’s reality show, his inevitable custody case with Brooke Mueller or replacing erstwhile goddess Bree Olson now that she’s left the mansion. In fact, the star is so swamped with all his new ventures, Sheen is hiring a social media intern for the summer. We’ve seen a lot of celebrity break-downs in the past, but this has to be the first one that is actively seeking employees.

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