Britney Spears is looking hot and spread-legged in the current issue of Out. However, it is my theory that Brit came in for the shoot and was all like, “Nailed it! Here, have this robot answer the interview questions.” I think she might be participating in the Turing Test, which is where scientists IM with both humans and robots, not knowing if they are talking to a human or a robot, and try to determine who is what. And it’s harder than you might think. Anyway, these are the quotes that lead me to believe that Britney’s responses were composed by a robot:
What is the worst advice a record executive ever told you?
Someone once told me that the “…Baby One More Time” video should be me as a superhero fighting a giant robot monster. (It’s making a robot reference so we’re all “Oh, a robot would never so obviously reference a robot!” Smart.)
What was the last nightmare you had?
That someone was chasing me. (The robot went to the database and picked the number 2 most cliched nightmare, after falling.)
What is the dumbest, most ridiculous rumor that has been printed about you?
That I was an alien. (Here, the robot makes a choice not say “That I was a robot” because then people would DEFINITELY catch on.)
What women (living or dead) could make you think twice about your sexuality?
I only have eyes for men. (Brit has definitely been attracted to a woman. And if not, a non-robot would know that if you’re giving an interview to a gay magazine you would at least play along.)
Britney Spears is…
ME! (The Robot really got excited over that one, but a human would understand how to answer the question correctly.)
These next quotes are what robots think girls say all the time:
When you were starting out, whose career did you want to mold yours after?
Madonna. No question. She is an amazing entertainer. Besides Madonna, I also admire Sarah Jessica Parker’s career and her shoe collection.
My idea of hell is…
Being on a diet.
What is the best advice you’ve gotten and who was it from?
My mom said when you have a bad day, eat ice cream. That’s the best advice.
What album do you consider life-changing?
Natalie Imbruglia’s Left of the Middle. (Hold the phone! A robot would never make an Imbruglia reference!! Humans win!!!!!)