Madonna’s Alleged Stalker Breaks Into Her Home, Girl Needs To Up Her Security

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Another day, another terrifying stalker silently whizzing past Madonna‘s sleeping security guards on a zip line. An alleged stalker broke into Madonna’s London home this weekend. Perpetrator Grzegorz Matlok smashed a window to gain access to the home, and was apprehended and charged with burglary. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Madonna was at her grandmother’s funeral when it happened. Madge seriously needs to call ADT or release the hounds or something. Even posting a gigantic picture of her ripped biceps would deter most career criminals.

This certainly isn’t the first time Madge had her domicile threatened by someone who loves “Isla Bonita” more than any other human being has ever loved anything, ever. Back in September, a stalker spray-painted love notes outside Madonna’s home in New York; the next month, another scratched “Meet Me” with an ice pick in the side of Madonna’s house. Wow, hats off to Madge for even leaving her bedroom! Madonna’s security forces also reported that in 1996 a Madonna stalker was sentenced to 10 years for felony stalking, after he scaled the walls around her home in L.A. Hmmm, maybe Madge’s security forces should stop gossiping to the press and actually watch the surveillance video, rather than play Angry Birds all night. Oh, you know that’s what they’re doing. We’ve got ‘em pegged.