Archives Monday, March 21, 2011


Here Is Zooey Deschanel’s Rimmel Ad Minus Photoshop

British makeup company Rimmel released a new ad with a “celebrity spokeslady.” Ummmmmm OK “Rimmel” but we’re pretty sure this isn’t anyone unless a sequel to S1M0NE is coming out…

Yes, folks, this is supposed to be actress Zooey Deschanel, run through Photoshop’s special Powder filter. It looks mmmmmnooooothing like her.

The good news is, has gotten their hands on the UNAIRBRUSHED version of this pic.

OK. Are you guys ready? Here it is…

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Looks Like George Michael Smoked Some Bad C*ck Again

This is the music video for George Michael’s new song “True Faith.” Big mistake, title wise. Pretty sure they should have called the song what it sounds like “Recording of drunk toddler with possible neurological difficulties played backwards and then cranked through autotunes.” It just doesn’t make any. sense. He also looks an awful lot like that guy who killed Aladdin in that Disney animated movie “The Hurt Locker.”

Bake yourself up a tray of really bad weed brownies and enjoy.

(via the Twitter feed of legendary former VH1 blogger Rich Juzwiak)

by (@hallekiefer)

Kate Walsh Feels Like A “Loser” For Being Divorced, Childless

Alright, who let a certain former wife of Brad Pitt get her hands on Kate Walsh‘s cellphone number? In an interview with More magazine, Kate Walsh says that she feels like a loser for being childless. “I feel like a loser. I would definitely love to be a parent. But I definitely don’t think I want to do it on my own,” the Private Practice star admits. “Things are just going to go the way they go… I thought I’d be married and have three or four kids. I always knew I wanted to be an actress, but I think I always wanted a quote-unquote normal life because I had a very untraditional upbringing.” Hmmm, a gorgeous, wealthy, successful actress who feels like a complete “loser” because she hasn’t popped out a screaming baby yet. We hope Kate hasn’t been reading any hand-made leaflets that somebody’s been slipping under her front door.

While Walsh wishes for the pitter-patter of tiny feet, she has mixed feelings about the sound of much larger, man-sized feet clomping around her house. Says Walsh of her 2008 divorce from husband Alex Young, “Oh my God. The worst thing ever. It was so public, and yet it was so legal-embroiled. You couldn’t talk about anything…” If Kate hears the whir of her blender from the kitchen whipping up a batch of “cheer-up margaritas,” we’re already too late. Aniston’s managed to disarm her security system.


SNL Star Victoria Jackson Homophobically Rants Against Glee

We looked up to so many women on Saturday Night Live for so long, because as a woman who always wanted to be on SNL as a kid, there were no better examples of great comediennes than the likes of Gilda Radner, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Jan Hooks. One woman on SNL that we can’t say we look up to anymore is Victoria Jackson, whose blog is so full of animosity toward against gays, Muslims, President Obama and liberals that it’s scary. We’re all for opposing viewpoints, but Jackson crosses over into hate speech at certain points, in our opinion.

TheFABLife is an entertainment blog, so we won’t get into all the political aspects of Jackson’s post, we just find it amazing that someone who spent so many years in Hollywood has such a seething hatred of gays. Jackson writes “Everyone knows that two men on a wedding cake is a comedy skit, not an ‘alternate lifestyle’! There I said it! Ridiculous!” She later singles out Glee, writing “Did you see Glee this week? Sickening! And, besides shoving the gay thing down our throats, they made a mockery of Christians – again! I wonder what their agenda is? Hey, producers of Glee – what’s your agenda? One-way tolerance?” she wrote, referring to the gay kiss between Kurt and Blaine. Hey, one-way tolerance is better than zero-tolerance, we think, but still, it’s really never been a secret that Glee is a show that’s very pro-gay. If you’re that offended by gays, how have you watched it this long? We’re not even a fan of Glee, we’re just not a fan of blatant homophobia. /end rant

[Photo: Getty Images]


A Very Confusing Windshield Decal

Okay, let’s break this graphic down piece by piece. First, there is an SUV — perhaps the same make and model of the actual car it’s on. Then, resting in an amorphous white space, there is a strawberry being run over by said car. Above it all are the two bits of text: “De Creme” and “Umm You Know You Want It.”

How any of these images or words relate to each other is so far a complete mystery. Is the strawberry leaking cream somehow, like some sort of strawberries and cream dessert? Could that be what the “creme” is referring to? As for the “Umm You Know You Want It,” Do we know we want the strawberry? Or do we know we want the car? Is the “you” perhaps referring to the strawberry as part of a suggestion that the strawberry wants to be run over by the car?

Can anyone figure out what any of this is? All theories are welcome.

Thanks, @AshFrieds


QUIGLEY: The Movie Where Gary Busey Plays A White Pomeranian Named Quigley

Ok, quick backstory to this one. In 2003, Gary Busey starred in a Christian movie about a wealthy man who hates dogs but then he dies and turns into a dog named Quigley and as a dog he has to find a CD-Rom and also help his brother and his family but it’s tough cause he’s peeing everywhere.

Once again: Gary Busey is a rich man. He dies. He comes back as a white Pomeranian named Quigley. He has to do something with CD-Roms. This is from 2003. This is real. The Found Footage People have graciously watched through this entire movie and cut it into the following bafflingly digestible highlight reel:

Ahh, the medium of video: Things are recorded on it so you can watch them and be like “see, there’s that.”

I never would’ve expected the actual movie could’ve possibly lived up to the amazing Quigley poster:

Read more…

by (@hallekiefer)

Hunger Games Author Gushes Over Jennifer Lawrence’s Katniss

For those who think Jennifer Lawrence is too blonde and Oscar-y to survive in post-apocalyptic North America, The Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins would like to emphatically disagree. In a post written for Entertainment Weekly‘s The Hob, Collins defends Jennifer Lawrence’s casting as Katniss. I felt there was only one who truly captured the character I wrote in the book.  And I’m thrilled to say that Jennifer Lawrence has accepted the role,” Collins raves. “In her remarkable audition piece, I watched Jennifer embody every essential quality necessary to play Katniss.” Given how truly committed Collins sounds in her letter, we wouldn’t be surprised if she actually made Lawrence battle to the death with another sweet adorable ingenue. Hey, we saw Winter’s Bone; we know you don’t mess with Jennifer.

Given how much Lawrence values the role of Katniss, a role Sucker Punch‘s Emily Browning also vied for, it looks like Collins’ characters and Lawrence’s abilities are a match made in futuristic distopian heaven. “I think that was the essential question for me,” Collins gushed. “Could she believably inspire a rebellion? Did she project the strength, defiance and intellect you would need to follow her into certain war? For me, she did.” She means just in the book…right? Right? That’s it; where’s our crossbow?

[Photo: Getty Images]


Bruce Vilanch Says James Franco Wasn’t High At Oscars, Wasn’t Good Either

Head Oscar joke writer Bruce Vilanch will give you some good lines when you host the show, but do poorly and he’ll have some new ones for you. “I have to call James Franco and tell him the show’s over,” Vilanch told Vulture at the Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert premiere last night, “He doesn’t know. He took a nap and he woke up in class.” Though Vilanch was initially enthusiastic about Franco and Anne Hathaway hosting the ceremony due to their SNL experience, he admits they may have been out of their depth. “It’s outside of those guys’ comfort zones. The only people who know how to host those shows are people who get up onstage every night and say, ‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A funny thing happened…'” Sounds like he’d be happy to let Billy Crystal host in 2012.

Aside from inexperience, Vilanch chalks up Franco’s detached performance to a lack of preparation. “He has so many balls in the air, he didn’t get to town till Thursday before the show on Sunday. And so we e-mailed a lot. But we had a lot of meetings. He had a bunch of people who were writing for him…but it was him and Anne Hathaway, and they both had to be serviced. So there was a lot of communication beforehand. But he didn’t get there.” Don’t feel bad about assuming Franco might have been stoned, either—Vilanch was initially suspicious, too. “He wasn’t high. I was with him, and he wasn’t high. And I asked him, ‘Are you high, and can I have some?’ And he said no to both.” Maybe he knew he’d need all of it to get through, Bruce.

[Photo: James Franco]


Every Episode Of Undercover Boss Ever

I don’t dislike the CBS show Undercover Boss, but the more I watch it, the less I’m able to stomach the incredibly forced and formulaic drama, the bosses’ humanistic grandstanding and self-congratulatory empathy, and the same three subplots repeated again and again as though we’ve never seen the show and couldn’t have predicted the entire hour just from the title. I have therefore taken the liberty of writing out the script to every episode of Undercover Boss, so we can all just read this and free up our Sunday nights for more important things. Like Celebrity Apprentice.

Every Undercover Boss Episode Ever

VOICEOVER: Krispy Kreme – A fast-food institution that nets more than $350 million a year in sales and is definitely not in need of a PR boost from a free hour of softballed human interest exposure on primetime network tv. But what happens when Krispy Kreme CEO Geoffrey J. Wallace…puts on slightly goofier glasses and an unlicensed “Swinging 60s Spy” Halloween wig? Now NO ONE will recognize Krispy Kreme CEO Geoffrey J. Wallace.


Now, Geoffrey Wallace heads to a Krispy Kreme store in Ridgeland, Mississippi to check out his business… from the insideundercoverfrom the ground up on the down-low.

Local Manager Dude: Welcome to your first day on the job, Smeffrey Smallace. Usually we start the new people on cleanup, but if you play your cards right, someday you might be makin’ the donuts.

Geoffrey Wallace: Oh I’ll try to work my way up. WIIIIIIINKKKKKKK!!!

Local Manager Dude: Yo you jus’ say “wink?” Never mind, grab this mop and start moppin’.

Geoffrey Wallace: Do you hold this end? [Grabs bottom of mop, instantly drops it]

Read more…