I don’t dislike the CBS show Undercover Boss, but the more I watch it, the less I’m able to stomach the incredibly forced and formulaic drama, the bosses’ humanistic grandstanding and self-congratulatory empathy, and the same three subplots repeated again and again as though we’ve never seen the show and couldn’t have predicted the entire hour just from the title. I have therefore taken the liberty of writing out the script to every episode of Undercover Boss, so we can all just read this and free up our Sunday nights for more important things. Like Celebrity Apprentice.
Every Undercover Boss Episode Ever
VOICEOVER: Krispy Kreme – A fast-food institution that nets more than $350 million a year in sales and is definitely not in need of a PR boost from a free hour of softballed human interest exposure on primetime network tv. But what happens when Krispy Kreme CEO Geoffrey J. Wallace…puts on slightly goofier glasses and an unlicensed “Swinging 60s Spy” Halloween wig? Now NO ONE will recognize Krispy Kreme CEO Geoffrey J. Wallace.
MORPH:

Now, Geoffrey Wallace heads to a Krispy Kreme store in Ridgeland, Mississippi to check out his business… from the inside… undercover… from the ground up… on the down-low.
Local Manager Dude: Welcome to your first day on the job, Smeffrey Smallace. Usually we start the new people on cleanup, but if you play your cards right, someday you might be makin’ the donuts.
Geoffrey Wallace: Oh I’ll try to work my way up. WIIIIIIINKKKKKKK!!!
Local Manager Dude: Yo you jus’ say “wink?” Never mind, grab this mop and start moppin’.
Geoffrey Wallace: Do you hold this end? [Grabs bottom of mop, instantly drops it]
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