Lohan Denies Assaulting Kate Major, Claims She Had “Make-Up” Bruises

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Lindsay Lohan‘s dad has come up with a completely reasonable, totally legitimate explanation for his alleged domestic assault against Kate Major: she did it herself with a bag of cosmetics! In an interview with RadarOnline, Michael Lohan denies assaulting girlfriend Kate Major, and has some divalicious ideas about how Major sustained her injuries. “She said I gave her a fat lip, she has Restylane in her lips.  I didn’t give her a fat lip.  She did the same thing in West Hampton,” Lohan explains. “I didn’t touch her, she’s full of crap.  I have cuts on my arm.  She put fake makeup on her eyes before.” So not only is a bad lip job and eyeshadow applied in a bumpy car a crime against fashion, it can also be obstructing justice. Wow, who knew Michael Lohan was more observant than the entire police force?

Given that Lohan was also charged with threatening ex-fiance Erin Muller in 2009, the ladies in his life must own a M.A.C. store dedicated whipping up these allegedly “fake” injuries. After Michael Lohan was arrested last night, he complained of chest pains and was taken to Cedars Sinai Medical Center, where he remains today. “This was all a set up.  When my lawyers resolve this with the police and I prove this is all a set up the world is going to know about Kate Major,” Lohan vowed. Unless, of course, Kate is able to construct a superior defense lawyer out of eyeliner and lipgloss.

[Photo: Getty Images]