Archives Wednesday, March 23, 2011

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Parrot Shags Man’s Head In Most English Viral Video Ever

To be fair: This clip from Stephen Fry’s BBC Show Last Chance To See went viral in the good ol’ UK nearly a year and a half ago. Much like the zombie virus in 28 Days Later.

And yet, we have a feeling a vast majority of Americans (and other foreigners – hello!) have never laid eyes on it. Which is a tragedy, as it’s easily the funniest thing to ever make its way to the internet.

A large rare green parrot with the face of a human attempts to mate with the head of a photographer. Maybe one of the reasons this guy is nearly extinct is because he is attempting to mate with the head of a photographer. The sexual victim in this case walks away from the incident with a bloody neck and a lifetime of scarring.

It should say something about myself that I wouldn’t kick that parrot outta bed. Watch and die laughing.

by (@hallekiefer)

Jeremy Piven Denies Filling Charlie Sheen’s Enchanted Warlock Shoes

Hmm, now this we would have liked. Jeremy Piven is the first suggestion with the kind of devil-may-care, got-out-of-a-contract-via-mercury-poisoning attitude that we’d like to see slip into Charlie Sheen‘s tiger-blood-soaked shoes. No offense, Rob Lowe; maybe if this was 1988.  Unfortunately Jeremy Piven has denied he’ll replace Charlie Sheen on Two And A Half Men. “No one connected in any way with Jeremy knows anything about this and that would include Jeremy,” Piven’s rep Stan Rosenfeld claims, which is really too bad. How many other actors will get into a verbal altercation with Chris Kattan in their lifetime? Roughly two, once Charlie thinks of it.

Unfortunately, the likelihood that Charlie will replace himself on the hit sitcom is also looking pretty slim, as today a judge denied Sheen’s bid to stop arbitration with Chuck Lorre and Warner Bros. The arbitration, separate from Sheen’s $100 lawsuit against Lorre and Warner Bros., will determine if all future lawsuits between Sheen and his ex-bosses will be held in private, or publicly in court. Do you think if Charlie plead mercury poisoning this whole mess could end soon too? Do you think Charlie Sheen might actually have mercury poisoning and that would actually explain everything?

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COME ON DOWN: An Insider’s Guide To Visiting The Price Is Right

Last month, a friend called me with an offer that would change my life, much like Cameron Diaz in The Box, a movie which I’ve never seen but which I imagine was about a phone call that changed lives (and a box). Comedian and friend Sara Jo Allocco was visiting Los Angeles, and wanted to know if I’d like to accompany her and her cousin to a taping of…. The Price Is Right.

My obsession with The Price Is Right is no secret here. Like many, I’ve watched it since I was little, and threw a fit when Bob Barker was swapped with Cleveland’s own Drew Carey. But time has passed, and let’s face it: Even if Hitler was hosting, I’d still want to try my luck at winning a PT Loser Cruiser. So I said the word “Yes” for 9 straight minutes while doing the Russian Kick Dance around my apartment.

For those of you who have never had the privilege of attending the show, I’ll try to boil the experience down to a few densely-worded paragraphs. We got to the studios at 6 AM to pick up our tickets, went home, put on matching jeweltoned tees, and thought we’d be supes-original by wearing Drew Carey-esque glasses. That is until we got back to the studio at 10, and were in a f*cking Being John Malkovich convention of bespectacled Midwesterners. Errrbody had the glasses on, and in addition, custom made t-shirts with silk-screened long microphones on them, or 30th Birthday Party messages, or hand-drawing of people bl*wing Drew in exchange for a Raymond Weil watch. There was a lot of thought put into their shirts. Our Old Navy tees were total bullshirt in comparison.

Because we were on 4 hours sleep, we were acting like tewtal assh*les. There was a mini-CBS store on the premises, where we gleefully tried on each and every Survivor hat and Two And A Half Men bomber jacket while the cashier gave us an Oscar-worth side-eye. We also didn’t think it necessary to buy any food, as our bellies were full with the promise of prize-winning. This would prove to be a fatal mistake.

Ahead, we meet Cydney, who is 99. And a video compilation of all the times we appeared on camera in the episode!! I am Manic 2 Tha Max.

Read more…

by (@katespencer)

Jennifer Hudson’s Son David Upstages His Mom On The View

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day-vid! Jennifer Hudson may have an Oscar, but it’s her son David who’s the real star. The newly slender supermom brought her little guy out with her on The View today because he straight-up refuses to leave her side. We can hardly handle the cuteness, and neither can the View ladies – all moms – who couldn’t stop cooing all over the kid as he belted out a baby-jam into the mic. Watch the video above and prepare for your ovaries to ache.

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Liz Taylor Obituary Writer Died 6 Years Ago; Dana Carvey Sketch Comes True

Today, the New York Times published an obituary for Elizabeth Taylor that was penned by longtime theater critic Mel Gussow, who himself died six years ago. While it certainly should come as no surprise that publications plan for famous deaths in advance, I wouldn’t have expected something this far in advance, or for the publication to still run the thing instead of something written more recently than six years ago.

Basically, the New York Times just pulled a real-life version of this classic sketch from The Dana Carvey Show, where Tom Brokaw pre-records every possible iteration of Gerald Ford’s eventual death. Spot-on satire, 15 years before it actually happened — how ironic…

by (@hallekiefer)

White Tigers? Insane Cleavage? Yup, Sounds Like A Kardashian Photo Shoot

We don’t know how we’d feel about being that close to such a gorgeous beast as it slinks around set. Oh, and someone should keep an eye on that tiger too. Heyo! Seriously though, how could we have expected any less from Kim Kardashian’s promo shoot for Keeping Up For the Kardashians Season 6, where the questions “Are there enough pillows?” and “Is the entirety of my rib cage exposed?” always have the same answer: not yet.

Despite Kim’s apparently nervousness, no Kardashians were harmed in the making of these photos (the jury’s still out on the Kardashian’ holiday nightmare.) “I tried posing with the white tiger at our family photo shoot for Keeping Up with the Kardashians season six last week, but I was so scared!!!!,” Kim posted. “The tiger had to get into position on his own! It was freakkkky! He got a little frisky so the trainer had to come help out. This is probably one of the scariest moments I’ve had during a photo shoot.” The scariest moment not including silver body paint, no doubt After the shoot, Kim was safely released back into the wild, the wild for her being just another room that looks exactly like this one.

[Photos: Kim Kardashian's Blog]

View Photo Gallery

by (@hallekiefer)

Rachel Bilson And Hayden Christensen Break Up, Now And Forever

And the fall-out of the film Jumper rolls on. A-list couple Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson have broken up (A-list in as much as both of their movie careers combined adds up to one great one). “Engagement’s over, relationship’s over. She’s really had it,” a source told US Magazine. It’s not exactly clear what Bilson had enough of, but the answer is clearly not “successful film roles in the past three years.”

Rachel and Hayden had met on-set the sci-fi action flick in 2007 and gotten engaged in December 2008. The couple reunited this past fall after Bilson and Christensen broke off their engagement in August. While very few people probably still remember Jumper, we’re shocked and amazed that Hayden still retains the ability to teleport…himself out of his relationship.

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Katie Holmes Refuses To Discuss Kennedys At Hair Coloring Film Premiere

We’re just glad Suri Cruise didn’t have to stay up late to see Katie Holmes host a premiere for her new short film, The Decision, last night in New York. Did it do better than her Sundance flop Son Of No One, you ask? Well, it didn’t do bad for a movie described as “a short film in support of the new John Frieda Precision Foam Colour.” Sure, E! Online called the story of a famous actress who dares to color her own hair “awkward to watch,” but we’re sure guests like Tinsley Mortimer, Julie Benz and Real HousewivesKelly Bensimon and Ramona Singer liked it fine.

Holmes didn’t hang around to ask, though—she left right after the screening and cut her red carpet interview time short after someone brought up The Kennedys, her controversial miniseries with Greg Kinnear that will finally air on the Reelz channel after The History Channel abandoned it. Guess the press doesn’t understand that hair coloring is “really important to women” like Katie does.

[Photo: Getty Images/Splash News Online]