The Best Screencap Ever (thx ONTD)
Season 4 of Donald’s Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice is only a few episodes in, and it’s already one of the most cringe-worthy WTF parades on network television. Some of the cast members are really delivering on their personality promise: Nene Leakes is Queen of Face, Jose Canseco is a coked-up Natural History Museum exhibit, and Gary Busey eats babies for breakfast.
But there have also been some surprises. Say what you will about Star Jones, but she’s one of the most competent players in the game right now. Same goes for Marlee Matlin, whose no bullsh*t approach to the tasks has been a refreshing change of idiot celebrity pace. (Don’t get me started on her ASL interpreter, who I feel very attached to.) And what about that Lil Jon???? Forgetting that time he was CGI’d into The Phantom Menace, he really impressed this week with his leadership and handling of The Busey.
You may have noticed that I left one particular name out of this article so far. A woman so crass, so despicable, that I don’t even know how to dive into talking about her I’ll just say it: How c*nty is Dionne Warwick?? I mean, OK. It’s not like I knew anything about her personality beforehand. What I did know is that I adored singing along with her hits while alone or with strangers (more often with strangers). That alone has gotta mean she’s sort of a great person, right?
WRONG. She is the worst person. From talking down to every single one of her cast mates, to acting above the challenges, to her delusions, to believing she was right all the time (she never was), to just generally wearing her sh*tty attitude on her head like so many sequined berets…. Dionne was just terrible. She did herself in this week by leaving a late night editing session early while the rest of her team stayed on. I didn’t really think this was the worst thing in the world: The woman is in her 70s, and frankly, they’d probably be better off with her gone. But any reason to fire Dionne was reason enough for me, double so when she called Nene Leakes a coward and then mixed her facts up.
And now she is gone. And her music? Her music will forever be tainted. Here are 7 Dionne Warwick Songs Ruined Thanks To Dionne Warwick
7. “Walk On By” If I ever pass Dionne Warwick on the streets of Los Angeles, I will make sure to take her own advice. I might also take the advice of my other favorite song “Spit on the Road.”
6. “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” I do. I do know the way to San Jose. But guess what? I’m not gonna tell you. You do not deserve the directions to San Jose.
And yes, if you are wondering, that was an Icelandic drag queen performing the song. Good day.
5. “Message To Michael” Michael just got back to us. He also hates you.
4. “I Say A Little Prayer For You” If I said prayers in general, I don’t even think I’d waste so much as a little prayer on you.
3. “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again” Too many easy jokes on this one.
2. “I Know I’ll Never Love This Way Again” Hol’ up, isn’t this the same song as #3? It isn’t? Oh, it’s a million times better? Still, I swore I’d never sing another song this way again. *proceeds to sing it beautifully*
1. “That’s What Friends Are For” We are no longer friends, and so that’s no longer what I’m for.
Did you make it to the end of this list??? Then congrats!! You’ve earned yourself a Gary Busey GIF: