Remember the Rob Lowe sex tape? No? Well, you’re about to, all for a reasonable price at your local bookstore! Apparently Rob Lowe’s memoir Stories I Only Tell My Friends details the actor’s sordid Brat Pack days, a time when he used MTV as a “home-shopping network, and it’s not beneath me to call up to get the contacts on the sexy dancer in the latest Sting video. I find C-SPAN to be useful in this regard as well. Seeing Oliver North‘s secretary, Fawn Hall, being sworn in during Iran-Contra, I make a note to track her down.” That is the sleaziest, most ’80s sentence we’ve ever read! After Lowe was busted for making his sex tape with an underage girl, Hugh Hefner consoled him, “”You had to do it. The technology existed!” Ugh, Rob, why are you ruining your cute, charming character on Parks & Rec for us? Why? Why?
Rob also talks about all his hard partying with Charlie Sheen, about which he recalls, “Charlie and I compete to see who can play harder, then show up to work and still kick ass. Verdict: Sheen by a nose.” Lowe later describes an incident where his face was attacked by a large parrot on his way to visiting Hotel New Hampshire director Tony Richardson . Nice try Lowe, but you’re going to need a lot more funny stories staring a lot more adorable animal friends for us to get passed this hot mess of a memoir. Don’t even get us started on your dinner date with Roman Polanski and 15 models (yeah, it’s seriously happened too).
