Walker’s Wheelhouse: USA! USA!

|

You know how I always sometimes write about things that are more self-indulgent than not? Like my Brendan Fraser updates? We’ve decided to cleverly group these items into a segment called Walker’s Wheelhouse. It’s self-serving, assumes that you care about what’s in my wheelhouse and that you know what a wheelhouse is. But it also herds these ideas together into one palatable whole, so you can chose to get in my wheelhouse or stay out of my wheelhouse. Whatever floats your wheelhouse.

This winter/spring I’ve been a veritable traveling machine. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that if I added the word “time” to the front of “traveling,” you’d be a lot more impressed. I would be too. You also might be thinking that “traveling machine” is not a term best suited for humans, it’s like what someone from the far past would call a car or a plane if they had traveled forward through time and saw one for the first ti-OMG, busted. I am a time traveler/part-time blogger. But you know what? Despite all of that, I still don’t actually know what you’re thinking, because I’m not a mind reader. Yet. But here you are, in my wheelhouse, and you can’t leave now. Aaaaaaanyway. I’ve gone to Palm Beach, Austin, Seattle and Portland recently. Also Coachella, where I didn’t take any pictures because I was too busy drinking NINE DOLLAR LIGHT BEERS. In lieu of photos, here is Coachella in a nutshell: heat, feathers, fringes, hot pants, swarm of bees that I thought were flies but were actually bees and I’m glad that I didn’t know were bees until I had walked straight through them and someone told me I had walked through a swarm of bees because that way the bees didn’t sense my fear because I had no fear so they did not attack but WOW that was crazy in retrospect. Also, Kanye. So good.

First up, in Seattle, I ate a pie that loved politics, cocaine and prostitutes:

I also was bummed that I left before I could see ALL of these bands.

It’s a shame that they the M and E fell off of Mandy Moore’s name. Give her the respect she deserves!

In Palm Bitch Beach, I hung out at a really great bar:

And I also found the perfect outfit for my future, sexually repressed, miserable, billionaire child:

In Austin, I visited a fancy gelato shoppe, which boasts the biggest variety of flavors in Texas!

Then I went to do some modeling/get a massage/hang out with Jon Voight:

In Portland, I did some great vintage shopping at a store that has amazing concert t shirts:

And tapestries:

I also expanded my book collection:

Again, no Coachella pics, but three bands that I saw who you might not know of that played there were Foster the People, The Love Language, and Tame Impala. They were all amazing and I highly recommend checking them out if you haven’t already.

Next up, I’m traveling to 2013 to see if it exists! I’ll let you know so you can start planning your Bucket List accordingly.