Dear Josh Hutcherson: It’s Time To Step Up Your Game

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Dear Josh Hutcherson,

We need to have a little chat. See, I was one of the few people out there who fully supported you as Peeta Mellark in The Hunger Games from the beginning. While thousands of fans were chanting Hunter Parrish‘s name during casting, I silently stood to the side waving my little “Go Josh!” flag. I was thrilled when you landed the part (you were so great in The Kids Are Allright, after all), and I still think you can pull it off. But you gotta give the fans something to work with here, Josh! They are looking to you for a sign that you get “it,” and I’m not sure you do.

You’ve been tapped to play the next uber-franchise heartthrob. Dare I say this: Peeta may be more beloved than Twilight‘s Edward Cullen. He is gentle, kind, giving and boy, does he love Katniss. Faithful readers of the book adore Peeta and his soft baker’s hands, and they want to love whoever plays him, too. So when I saw pics of you at Coachella, looking like you stepped out of a Hipster Douche 101 catolog, I became concerned. We Hunger Games fans are watching you, Josh, and we.are.judging. Yes, your life is now just like Peeta’s – and we fans are the audience in the Capital. Oh, the irony.

So pay attention, Josh. Leave the neck bandanna at home next time. Get a spray tan. If you need to frolic with Vanessa Hudgens while she eats something that looks like drugs but totally is not, do so at Chateau Marmont where us regular people aren’t allowed. Reach out to fans of The Hunger Games and get to know the people who could possibly be screaming your name for the next three years. Because while you where busy forgetting your sunscreen at Coachella, Hunter Parrish was tweeting his 56,000 Twitter followers a photo of a loaf of bread (Peeta’s a baker, Josh. See what he did there?!).

So please, cut the cool Hollywood dude crap and take a page out of the Robert Pattinson Guide to Fame: stay home and read a bunch of books, get a scrappy little dog, learn cello, stay humble and be incredibly nice to your admirers. In other words: be a hot dork. Trust me, the fans will follow.

And seriously – the bandanna. In the garbage. Now. The neon headband too.

Nerdily yours,

— A Hunger Games fan who really wants you to succeed but is currently not convinced