Tomorrow, all across the world, people will be watching the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. If you live in the United States and want to catch all the pre-game stuff, that means waking up at sometime around 4:00 in the morning. Most of us, however, will not be waking up to watch British strangers exchange vows because even if our own brother got married at 4 AM, we’d tell him to f*ck off.
But if, by chance, you have some other reason to be awake at 4 AM on Friday morning, there are many other other things you can watch on TV. A quick look through your cable guide menu will reveal a whole ton of stuff you’d way rather see at that hour than a royal wedding.
Because “shafts” isn’t capitalized, we can assume this isn’t about a bunch of dudes actually dressed like Shaft. And that’s a bit disappointing. But still… way better than a wedding.
If you were looking for the opposite of a Prince getting married, this is it.
This is a really great thing to put on because, if someone happens to walk in the room while you’re watching it, there’s no way they’re going to feel comfortable asking you to change the channel. “Ugh, can you turn off the genocide movie so we can watch a woman instantly become a titled millionaire?” Not going to happen.
Is this a Mexican Sex In The City? Finding out sounds like a much more worthwhile way to spend your early morning hours.
Brainetics! This may or may not be about Scientologist arithmetic. Either way, it sounds like good TV.
A new concept in hair removal clearly beats out an old concept in monarchical baby making.
Rails AND roads?! It’s hard to tell which thing is more more interesting than the royal wedding.
Well, this is just straight up a good show. Awesome to watch any time.
Korean Bowling vs. British Marriage. Easy choice.
It’s a music channel, so you’d probably just be staring at a blank screen. But at least with this, there would be a chance you’d get to hear Raffi. Good luck trying to achieve that at Westminster Abbey.
Well, now it looks like we’re not even going to be able to watch the wedding later. Sorry, Will and Kate. Our DVRs are going to be FULL.