James Franco To Direct Dance Show, Be Most Productive Person Alive

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We want an Excel spreadsheet that is labeled, color-coded and cross-referenced with exactly how  James Franco spends his time down to the minute. Mere days after we find out about Franco’s doctorate program at University of Houston, word of James Franco’s dance-theater directorial debut pops up in the internet. It literally takes us 2 1/2 hours to pull ourselves together to go to the gym; the Your Highness star could get an associate’s degree in half that time, plus do re-shoots on Rise of the Planet of the Apes without breaking a sweat. Oh how we resent him for his efficiency!

In addition to directing the multi-media show entitled “Collage” at the Stella Adler studios in New York City next month, Franco will narrate the piece, which is reportedly a mix of dance, theater, poetry and music. Which we’re sure Franco wrote himself, in the amount of time it took us to wait in line at Taco Bell.