This weekend was the Kentucky Derby, which apparently means it’s an excuse for white people to wear big hats like awesome, elderly Black ladies do to church on Sundays in my hyper-generalized imagination. Lucky for us, Kate Gosselin wore a crazy hat, which leads us to ask ourselves: Who is Kate Gosselin?
Oh, right. She was on a reality show that exploited her thirty-seven children and led to her divorce. Oh, and she was on Dancing With The Stars, which is where people who want more attention go to get more attention. And Kate Gosselin still wants attention, so she wore big hats and people took pictures, because that’s how things work now.
Hi, Kate Gosselin! Did you hire a babysitter so you could wear your hat? Good, because you should take it easy! Cool hat, BTW!
— Eliot Glazer