We all lost a tiny piece of our 90s hearts today with the news that “Macho Man” Randy Savage died in a car crash after suffering a heart attack behind the wheel.
But what are we gonna do, sit here and mope? For Randy Savage? The Randy Savage I know (from The WWF and Slim Jim ads and Spider-Man cameos) would see us moping, burst through seven walls, yell “untimely death gotcha DOWN?” and explode the universe with one bite of beefy spicy taste. Then some old woman in funeral garb would be like “Do you mind?” and he’d take another bite and send her tornadoing into an electric fence.
In honor of the departed, here is a 90s treasure trove of the 10 Greatest Macho Man Slim Jim Commercials Of All Time. I’m not gonna lie – I did get a little choked up:
Children’s Futures = Ruined
9. Inkblot Test
Macho Man’s therapy is not going well.
“Ughhhhh, why did we decide to be in this meat-lacking playyyyyyy…”
This is why we can’t have nice lockers.
6. Pizza Boxes
To be fair, your unsympathetic boss never told you to dress like a 50s soda jerk.
5. The Rock
Did you say EXTREME??? [Jumpcut - Torture]
Part 2 in the “Macho Man Torturing Extreme Children” Series.
“Put him in a straight jacket because he’s a risk for self mutilation. Wait doctor DON’T THROW THAT!”
1. Lamp Store
Why are we hanging out at this lamp store? Let’s murder Mr. Lamp!
BONUS: The Ultimate Warrior’s Slim Jim Ad
The Ultimate Warrior tries his hand at Jim-slinging, and it’s a total failure – all rage with no charisma, or giant pink hats:
Farewell, Randy Savage. There will never be a more beloved destructive yeller about meat sticks.