The Full Breaking Dawn Trailer Has Us RSVP-ing Our Pants

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We set up a little cot near the mailbox, because clearly our invitation to the Swan-Cullen wedding is on the way. After months of examining Breaking Dawn set photos with a microscope and dyeing our shoes to match our tasteful yet summery bridesmaid’s dress, we are pleased to see the Breaking Dawn trailer delivers. In addition to offering a glimpse of the Cullen-Swan nuptials (which we are planning on re-creating down to the last folding chair for our own wedding), we also get an eyeball of all the shirtless Taylor Lautner, window-frame-gouging sex and preternaturally mature vampire zygotes your brain can withstand. We’re pretty sure this is going to make the Royal wedding look like a stodgy, werewolf snooze-a-thon. We can’t wait! Oh, here comes the mailman now. We’ll have to apologize later for all our deafening shrieks!