Everybody Is Gay, Says The National Enquirer

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The National Enquirer — also known “the Marc Summers of journalism” –  has this thing they do where they postulate who is and who isn’t gay??? Very cool way to talk about people, National Enquirer. A look at past covers proves that the wide array of “stars” whose sexualities are questioned is either fairly obvious (Anderson Cooper, Queen Latifah), puzzling (Susan Boyle and Prince Charles, both of whom are JUST FROM EUROPE, GUYS), and f’ing bonkers (Vanna White, Dustin Hoffman, and “John Ritter’s widow, Amy Yasbeck”). To be honest, it would be awesome to live in a world where a Pride Parade was lead by — LOLOL — Vanna White and Amy Yasbeck. Who? What? Is this real life, National Enquirer???

Well, yes, apparently it is, considering the issue’s newest cover features Wynonna Judd dressed like a leather daddy and the kid from Who’s The Boss wearing a lady’s wig (that is him on the bottom right, no?). Apparently, everyone is gay, so BWE’s own Lauren Deiman helped put together a fake cover to the magazine that just may one day be an actual cover to the magazine, considering the fact that EVERYONE IS GAY, including Anita Baker (maybe), Fabio (you don’t say!), and Kangaroo Jack (SUPER GAY)!