We never thought we’d say this but…we feel bad for Hugh Hefner. Sure, he’s made a fortune out of being the quintessential dirty old man, but hearing about Crystal Harris and Hugh Hefner’s sex life on the radio just seems a cruel prank on someone’s grandpa. “[It lasted] like, two seconds,” Harris told Howard Stern Show on Sirius XM, referring to her former fiance’s bedroom skills. “Then I was just over it. I was like, ‘Ahh.’ I was over it. I just, like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef. Sorry.” Crystal, please! Can’t you just quietly decide to be grossed out by the idea of sleeping with Hugh Hefner like the rest of America? We blame you for giving Hugh the moral high ground.
Following Hef and Crystal’s canceled wedding back in June, we had a lot of sympathy for the former Playboy model, but this seems extremely harsh. We shudder to think about what our former fiances would say about our withered old bodies and sub-par sexual prowess. Luckily Hef seems to have cloned himself a new identical blond girlfriend Shera Bechard, who hopefully loves money…we mean, loves Hugh enough to keep those intimate, barf-inducing details private.
[Photo: Getty Images]