Gwyneth Paltrow Kind Of, Sort Of, Indirectly Saved Someone’s Life On 9/11

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We know that the Lord supposedly works in mysterious ways, but it seems like Gwyneth Paltrow practically side-swiping you in her $70,000 car would be a little too mysterious even for the Universe to think up. However, according to finance employee Lara Lundstrom Clarke, Gwneth Paltrow saved her life on 9/11 by making her late to her job in one of the Twin Towers. “It was one of those mornings that felt good, you had a little skip in your step. What the heck — I always cut across 7th Avenue. Then all of the sudden a silver Mercedes SUV came barreling down towards me,” Clarke recalls. “I stopped and they screeched to a halt. Then it developed into one of those classic who-goes-first situations. It got ridiculous.” Not quit as ridiculous as the fact that the star of Shakespeare In Love was behind the wheel but, sure, that’s up there.

“OMG it was Gwyneth Paltrow,” Clarke remembers thinking, though by the time she made it across the street she had missed her train, and had to wait for the next one. By the time she arrived at her stop, Clarke says, “I looked up and there was a big gaping hole in the World Trade Center…That was the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life – my office exploded.” Miraculously only 4 of her 170 coworkers were killed that morning. Wow…we guess we owe it to Paltrow to lay off her for a little while, huh? Thought…have you seen Duets? Okay, you’re right, we’re done.

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