Notorious stuff-sayer Mel Gibson announced that his next film will tell the story of the legendary Jewish hero Judah Maccabee, which has already incited predictable backlash from members of the Jewish community who have functioning memories.
Skeptics will assuredly argue that Gibson’s film is a blatant attempt to pander to a Jewish populace that he’s offended numerous times in the past, but that actually couldn’t be further from the truth; it’s actually just one of many fanatically pro-Jewish, pro-tolerance projects that he was working on long before his public image was tarnished by his own public image.
Here’s a glance into the future at The Next 6 Mel Gibson Movies to follow the Maccabee epic. Who’s the racist NOW, dawg (no race-o)?
1. “No, No, I Realize The Romans Did It” – A revisiting of The Passion showing how the Romans coerced and manipulated the mob of freespending, totally-regular-size-nosed locals to turn against Christ.
2. “Don’t Blow Me!” – A tale of gender equality in the modern workforce – though if you ask this movie, it thinks women are smarter than men! [This Movie Applauds]
3. “A Seriously Great Man” – Reboot of the 2009 Coen Brothers film “A Serious Man”, but without any bad parts. Mel Gibson co-stars and constantly high-fives the man.
4. “The GREAT-triot” – The third installment in the Braveheart / The Patriot Trilogy where we learn that the English were just pretending to be cartoonishly evil to win a bet with North Korea, then they give all their winnings from that bet to the U.S., Scotland, and Ireland who they love.
5. “Seriously, I Cried During Schindler’s List” – This film is just Schindler’s List in its entirety, but you keep hearing Mel Gibson sniffling and crying and saying “I’m Mel Gibson doing this” out loud during the sad parts.
6. “Gel Mibson, Jewlover” – The story of Gel Mibson, a terribly misunderstood Hollywood A-Lister who attempts to bring antisemitism and misogyny into the public discourse through a series of elaborate performance art pieces, but the public misinterprets his numerous staged drunken rants as genuine racist outbursts. Then he’s like “f*ck it” and makes a movie about Judah Maccabee.