Some creep with a camera decided he would shower Dina Lohan with empty compliments about her “energy” and that she was in good shape or something, and it made for an interview that is not only unbearably awkward, but Dina Lohan manages to make herself more reprehensible than ever before. She’s actually THAT awful.
Listen to all the terrible things she says!
After the jump, some choice quotes:
“I was a dancer from New York. I went to NYU. I was dance major, theater minor. So I’ve been in the entertainment field for 30 years.” I actually took a music theory class at NYU in 2003. Does that make me Quincy Jones? Am I Quincy Jones now???
“My birthday is Thursday. Am I allowed to say that on camera?” That it’s your birthday? Yeah. You can say that. On camera. Or not. You actually don’t have to do anything on camera. Seriously! Go away!
“My son, Michael, graduated Summa Cum Laude from Ithaca.” Congratulations! Was his graduation gift a spot on Cheaters?
“Everyone thinks I’m a single mom with one child.” DINA: “Guys, stop thinking I have one kid!” EVERYONE: “Okay, sure. Can you move? You’re blocking the TV and I’ve never seen the end of this episode of Becker.”
“We’re a tight little knit group.” Aww! Do you guys all hold hands every time you go to the courthouse?
“In my next life, I want to be an attorney, though.” Bad news: attorneys read books! Lots of books! And some of of them actually seek to fight against injustice. Injustice? It’s this thing where bad things happen to good people. No, to good people. Nah, you wouldn’t know.
“I meet a lot of young girls (I’m starting my own management company). Lindsay’s like, ‘Take on other children.’ Because I want to help them navigate the waters of negativity. I’m a positive person.” When your seventeen-year-old transformed herself into Russell Brand, was that an example of her escaping from THE WATERS OF NEGATIVITY? Or just a very possitive facial transplant?
“You know, we’ve been hit pretty hard by the press. And it’s time to leave us alone, and just let us…entertain.” Dear Media: Stop following the Lohans as they do things in public, pose for paparazzi, dine out at restaurants frequented by photographers, and generally clamor for attention across all mediums. Seriously, guys, stop. It’s embarrassing.
“It is what it is.” Well, yeah, it is, unless you decide it isn’t. Then it isn’t.
“I met Kirstie Alley two days ago at a 9/11 event.” Cool! A 9/11 Event. With you and Kirstie Alley. Sounds important! Were there goodie bags? Open bar? Was DJ Jazzy Jeff there, too? This sounds really important, and probably was a very appropriate way to pay tribute to national tragedy. Never forget.
“Being a single mom, you’re kind of controlling.” Well, no. You are.
“My parents were married for fifty years, so…I love life.” Yeah, irony is nuts!
“I focus on The Secret. Oprah is my hero.” Hear that, Oprah? Oh sure, finish with that noose. We can wait.
“I’m writing a book, as well. And it’s not about Lindsay. It’s not about my ex or anything negative. It’s how I got from A to M.” Whoa, wait until she learns about the WHOLE alphabet!
“From your ears to God’s …lips.” You’re allowed to correct yourself if you want. No? Just gonna let that one lie? Very cool. Very #livinglohan.