There’s so much to this whole ridiculous Salahi-Journey incident that it reads like the best episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that you’ve ever seen. It’s complex, but darkly hilarious and inherently perfect. So please indulge us for a moment while we unpack it all for you and savor each and every detail. Maybe -just maybe- it’ll make you believe in karma. It’s the law of the universe: if you do something stupid like crash a White House party, a stadium rocker should send you obscene pictures.
As we told you earlier in the week, Tareq Salahi grew concerned when his wife Michaele didn’t return from a hair appointment, and became convinced that she had been kidnapped. It turns out she wasn’t kidnapped, but instead having a torrid affair with Journey guitarist, Neal Schon. Tareq was also friends with Neal, and had even filmed the rock star giving his wife a peck on the cheek over Labor Day weekend. So he understandably feels betrayed, and sought consolation from that big cuddly wad of compassion, Michael Lohan, who could never miss an opportunity to get back on TMZ.
Now Tareq has resolved to divorce his Real Housewife Of DC, but not before taking another humiliating slam at the hands of Neal Schon. In the most gorgeous display of immaturity we’ve ever seen, the Journey front-man tauntingly emailed Tareq pictures of his penis. Not only that, but he also revoked Tareq’s backstage passes to all Journey shows, banning him gigs with a series of posters at each venue! Tareq probably isn’t gonna feel the urge to rock out to ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ live anytime soon, but still. Never in the course of human history has a man be so completely and thoroughly pwned. The only way for Tareq to get the last laugh is if this whole thing is fake. In which case we say: thanks for the laughs Salahi’s! We never stopped believin’!
[Photo: Getty Images]