With the release of Nike’s Back To The Future-inspired NikeMag Shoes followed by Adidas’ Star Wars “Wampa Fur” Sneakers, it’s clear that Nike and Adidas are in a full-on nostalgia war, determined to win our somehow-earned pop culture dollars by appealing to our basic human love of movies.
To anticipate (and hopefully direct) where this Movie Shoe Nostalgia War is headed, we’ve compiled a list of The 10 Greatest Movie Shoes Of All Time (EXCLUDING the already-existing AirMags), along with the pros and cons of owning each one:
10. ‘Tequila’ Shoes, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
PROS: Stylish, moveable, and will instantly win you the approval of bikers who were set on murdering you seconds earlier.
CONS: Your newfound confidence may cause you to instantly crash into a billboard.
9. Lloyd’s Furry Boots, Dumb And Dumber
PROS: Instantly lets Aspen-ites know that you’re a millionaire bigwig with taste; ideal for putting out the vibe.
CONS: You will have to repay that IOU slip at some point.
8. Purple Clogs, Clueless
PROS: Any time anyone asks you what you did today at school/work/anything, you could respond “I broke in my purple clogs!” and laugh for ten minutes and it would never get old.
CONS: Standing around Dan Hedaya waiting for him to ask you that might inconvenience your life.
7. Go-Go-Gadget Springs, Inspector Gadget
PROS: They spring!
CONS: You are completely incompetent and rely on a little girl and a reacting dog to do 95% of your detectivework.
6. Knee-High Boots, Pretty Woman
PROS: Iconic, retro-fashionable, and indicative of a heart of gold beneath your outwardly rough and slutty exterior.
CONS: If you don’t have a heart of gold, then you’re just a hooker.
5. Assassins, The Simpsons
PROS: Sometimes you just have to spoil yourself.
CONS: They run a hefty pricetag, especially if your pre-decent-animation pet dog chews them up. Also, they’re not technically a ‘movie’ shoe, but they’re great and The Simpsons had a movie so judges? *DING* Cool, let’s move on.
4. Magic Shoes, Like Mike
PROS: Basketball-ability-enhancing footwear will let you fulfill your NBA Dreams, and likely prompt a Michael Jordan cameo.
CONS: Michael Jordan will bang your wife in said cameo.
3. Glass Slippers, Cinderella
PROS: Unique, memorable, and classy eHarmony alternative without involving that creepily charismatic CEO dude from the commercials.
CONS: Will break f***ing instantly.
2. Jumping Boots, Super Mario Bros.
PROS: JUMP LIKE MARIO AND LUIGI! It’s every red-blooded Nintendo-era kid’s fantasy!!! Until they roll out a functioning Tanooki Suit.
CONS: Constant reminder that this movie happened.
1. Ruby Slippers, Wizard Of Oz
PROS: Attention-Grabbing, provides instant access to black-and-white home world, and cements your legacy as a gay icon.
CONS: Difficult to coordinate; Chances of you ending up encased in a Planet Hollywood display increase ten-millionfold. Still? WORRRRTHHHHHH ITTTTTTTT!
Other great movie shoes you want to own? Leave ‘em in the comments.