Release The TRUTH: Real-Life Kraken May Have Existed

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Good news, people who ironically watched Clash Of The Titans then actually thought it was decent but that may have been because you watched Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever earlier that day (I can’t be the ONLY one, right?)

A rogue paleontologist (not the same one who crapped on the triceratops) is currently arguing that a massive monster-sized squid not unlike the mythical kraken may have actually existed:

The kraken, which would’ve been nearly 100 feet (30 meters) [Ed Note - Thanks!] long, or twice the size of the colossal squid, Mesonychoteuthis, likely drowned or broke the necks of the ichthyosaurs before dragging the corpses to its lair, akin to an octopus’s midden, according to study researcher Mark McMenamin, a paleontologist at Mount Holyoke College in Massachusetts.

There is no direct evidence for the beast, though McMenamin suggests that’s because it was soft-bodied and didn’t stand the test of time; even so, to make a firm case for its existence one would want to find more direct evidence.

The article goes on to describe the basis for the theory, saying that the existence of a giant predator would help explain odd markings on ichthyosaurs bones, though it does overlook the far more obvious motivation for this theory: A real-life kraken is awesome and obviously every dumbass blog like ours is going to post about this because we can tie it to a recent absurd movie (unlike the rest of you, BORING science. Physics? CAHHHMANNNN. Make it the Physics of Drive Angry and we’ll talk.)

I just hope this researcher’s theory doesn’t show up with like 10 minutes left in the movie and get instantly and anticlimactically beaten by Medusa’s head. But if he can get Liam Neeson to introduce him at science conferences, it’s a win no matter what.