When selecting a Halloween costume, there’s as many different approaches as there are non-friends’ Halloween parties you annually weasel your way out of attending: Do you go with something sexy? Something scary? Something just cool or funny or dumb or nostalgia-ey? It’s pretty much up to you.
However, there’s one category of ready-made costumes that should never, EVER be worn: Costumes that are trying to be funny, sexy, or referential, but when you actually see them, they’re creepy as f**k. To help weed out this phenomenon, we’ve collected 50 examples from actual, current costume websites — from monstrously inaccurate characters to joke-costumes bordering on the rapey, here are this year’s 50 Most Unintentionally Terrifying Costumes:
50. Shrek Donkey
Remember that scene in Shrek The Third when Buffalo Bill murders Donkey and wears his face?
Orangutans look like this (and are friends with dogs). They do not look like this:
48. Mr. Burns
47. ‘Rock And Roller’ Elvis
Those of us who never saw Elvis in his prime can’t truly appreciate what he did for midget gremlin-monsters with ghost ravens perched on their heads.
Actually a leftover “Railroad Chinaman” costume from a racist 20s vaudeville show.
45. Sperm Tunic
Someone apparently came a ghost?
44. “Sh*t Hits The Fan”
You know that expression people never say? Now you can remind people of it with six sh*t pieces on you!
Yep, that’s Taz. Perfect!
Meh. Any kitten ones?
41. Fozzie Bear
Ahhhh, he’s expanding! Kill it! Kill it with tomatoes!
40. Trix Rabbit
Silly man-sized rabbit! We’ve all seen what happened to Donnie Darko!
39. Tom The Turkey
Actually a rebranded “Vulture From That Iconic Photo Of The Starving Child” costume.
38. The Situation
Either the wearer of this costume unironically aspires to be The Situation, or he unironically isn’t aware of which joke costumes ran their course three years ago.
37. “Tequila Man”
Definitely spend most of your night talking to this man.
36. Stay Puft
An early prototype for the Scream murderer.
35. Spam Can
Even the dude modeling this costume is like “I know – f*cking why?”
34. Sock Monkey
The worst part? You literally have to make this pose the entire night:
33. Rubber Ducky Man
Kid-man riding a ducky? This happens never and probably shouldn’t?
32. Rodeo Clown
Always-Creepy Clowns + Anal Innuendo = Halloween Party Hit!
Really captures the deathly, uncharismatic Johnny Depp monster from the super-dark film.
30. Rabbit In A Hat
“See, I’m supposed to be a rabbit in a whoops just knocked over every drink in the world. Halloween’s over!”
Orrrrr one of the goons from Goldeneye?
History rarely mentions the early-American colonies founded by the Gorgs from Fraggle Rock.
I call ‘not it’ on confiscating the bladed object from that f***ing thing.
26. Bart Simpson Mask
Can’t sleep…Bart’ll eat me…Can’t sleep…Bart’ll eat me…
25. Mickey Mouse
Cartoon Mickey never did look male-escorty enough.
24. M & M
Nothing wrong with M&Ms, just never seen one so obviously on E.
23. Aladdin Genie
The hell are you smilin’ at?
22. Grinch Santa
You wouldn’t like Santa when he’s angry.
21. Mini Stripper
Man, sad to see how far the dude from Nickelodeon’s Weinerville has fallen.
20. Frosty The Snowman
Sorry, after the Jack Frost rape scene this one’s a “pass” for life.
19. “Ultimate Boobs Costume”
The title of this costume is self explanatory. So ultimate!
18. Angry Birds
Animated = Cute! Giant And Live = “Think my friend went over there…”
17. “Going Ape”
After Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, I trust none of you anymore. Especially if you’re a human on the inside because it turns out they are the most evil of all (spoiler)!
16. Double Occupancy
Just FYI, this costume costs $85. Spooky.
15. “Ooh La Lola”
The costume title is the inverse of anyone’s reaction upon seeing this.
14. Carrot Top Wig
The only costume to make this list and our “Celeb Costumes We Can’t Believe Exist” list. Going for the awful-costumes EGOT!
13. Big Foot
Even those 45-year-old foot fetish dudes from like Real Sex 73 want nothing to do with this.
12. Tassle Twirler
Doesn’t help the creepiness factor that it looks like the nipples are bleeding neon blood into the crotch.
Um, sure. “Mushroom.”
10. Big Top Clown
I guess they couldn’t legally use John Wayne Gacy’s name?
9. Abe Lincoln Mask
This thing belongs in an NES game coming alive and firing lasers at you at the end of a shooter level.
Nice drill penis! Are you the dude who f***ked the hooker in Seven?
7. “Mummy’s Boy”
You could just wear a giant neon “NO ISSUES” sign and pocket the difference?
6. Operation Board
Water in the knJEEEEESUS CHRIST!
5. Tuxedo Kermit
“DIE-ho, I am Kermit Theee Frog!” – This Thing Right Before It Stabs You
4. Inflatable Doll
AHHHH!!! Oh my bad, you’re not actually naked, you’re just AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
3. Plus-Size “Anna Rexia”
2. Mammogram Man
SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS LOL ALSO YOU MIGHT HAVE CANCER!
1. Six Flags Man
One flag for everyone this costume has literally murdered as we were typing this.