5 Actors Who Would Make Better Elvises Than Eric Bana

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It’s time to throw another peanut butter and banana sandwich on the barbie as it has been revealed that Australian treasure Eric Bana will be portraying skinny then fat then dead Elvis Presley in an upcoming film about the singer’s life. I believe you folks call it a “biopic.” The film is said to document a visit Elvis paid to the White House when Nixon was president. Notably, it’s to be directed by Cary “As You Wish” Elwes, who made waves in my childhood as the hot neighbor in The Crush. (Alicia Silverstone Making Lemonade = My Halloween Costume every year.) Yes, Elwes directing Elvis. It is a confusing day in Eastern Europe.

Now while I love Eric Bana (I funnel his sex scenes in Munich into a Kodak digital frame and play it on a loop in the office) it is a liiiitle hard for me to picture him thrusting his hips as a young Elvis or, worse, rolling out of his bed across the floor and into a toilet as Fat Elvis. Please Hollywood. Don’t make Eric Bana Fat Elvis.

Here are 5 actors who would make better Elvis’ – fat or thin! – than Eric Bana.

5. Hugh Jackman

Hugh Jackman is a man of all trades. And while it would be an absolute shonda to put weight on his perfect torso, we’re sure he could just use the extra Mrs. Doubtfire fat suit he bought at auction to achieve the same effect. This is the Australian I’d like to see Elvising it up.



4. Val Kilmer

Some people remember Val Kilmer from his portrayal of Elvis in True Romance. Not me. Nope. I prefer to remember him from his turn as Elvis in the sorely underrated movie Top Secret. And we know he can put on the weight!! Check out Fatman‘s moves!



3. Cate Blanchett

If she can portray Elvis half as good as she did Bob Dylan, then we’re already ahead of the game. (It’s a game where people run really slowly in an effort to get PB & Banany Sandies.)



2. This Background Extra In Home Alone

HE LIVES



1. Justin Timberlake

Sure, we all want J-Timbs to get back to singing. But what if we combine his two great loves: Singing and F*cking Acting?