Courtney Stodden’s Breasts: A Journey To The Truth

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Courtney takes a minute to show off some casual photos taken at home on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers .

The time was 3:06 PM. I turned my television on at my desk to tune into the Conrad Murray Verdict Reading, when I saw that something a million times more important on the screen: America’s Princess Courtney Stodden was on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, an apt name for a television program that is about to change your life. The preview promised that Dr. Drew was really going to dig deep with this teaser: “They say her love is real, but are her looks?”

Let’s find out.

The episode began with Courtney sitting alongside her husband Doug Hutchison to seventh and for all explain what makes their marriage work. Namely, her mussed-up post-old-man-sex hair, like this:

And this:

Dr. Drew mentions that he’d like to go over to Doug and Courtney’s house to help them, to which she responds: “I’d welcome you in just like that. Offer you a sucker…” Offer you a sucker?? That’s not even an expression. That is a blatant blow job on a silver platter like in the cartoons.

Dr. Drew mulls this offer over during the commercial break…

AAaaaaaaaaand we’re back! Now for the part of the show we’ve all been waiting for… Dr. Drew has called a plastic surgeon to the set to give Ms. Stodden a thorough live exam and determine whether or not she’s had any work done.

Courtney tries her best not to seduce the surgeon:

She has to remember…. she’s married now.

The doctor feels Courtney’s forehead for botox and then strangely examines her raccoon eyes to see if she has any scarring to indicate an eye job. Um, that’s not really what we’re accusing her of getting Doctor.

This smizing is completely God given:

Courtney assures the doctor, “A knife has never touched this body.” She then dies L-O-L-ing…

Now… the moment we’ve all been waiting for…

Are Courtney Stodden’s Boobs Real Or Fake?

First of all “How dare you?” — Courtney

Actual line Courtney Stodden udders (Ed. Note: Boo): “I think my boobs will speak more than I can.” This is People’s Choice Award worthy stuff right here folks.

But enough brilliance. Let’s fire the ol’ breast exam ultrasound up because we’ve got some tits to scan!

Courtney relaxes as the doctor reenacts Doug’s favorite sex game:
“Let’s pretend I’m Dexter.”

Just some light ultrasounding…. that’s all…

VERDICT???

No… the other verdict!

Courtney Stodden’s Breasts Are Real!

The audience goes wild!

Dr. Drew is like “Yayyy!” and also like “Why did I go to medical schoooool?”

While Doug just remembered he forgot to close that kiddie porn window on the laptop his assistant was using…

COMMERCIAL

And we’re back.

Now Drew really wants to get serious. And lucky for our favorite Doctor with the giantest arms, he has about, mmm, fiiiiiiiive minutes left to ask the tough questions.

Such as “Why did Doug and Courtney decide to get married so young?”

Courtney’s actual answer: “If we dated, he would have been put in jail which isn’t very smart.”

Seriously give this biznatch a RHODES SCHOLARSHIP because she is dealing with a very special brain.

Drew then says to her “This is the first time we’ve made eye contact.”

This was 25 minutes into the show.

And then, like so many underaged bikini waxes, the show ended suddenly and out of nowhere.

For those of you for whom this description was not enough, here’s a short preview of Courtney getting her breasts examined on national television:

In short: We don’t know who to believe. Have a great week everyone!

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