Kat Von D has never been particularly private about her relationship with ex-fiance and consummate bad boy Jesse James. Turns out, neither has Jesse James! In a very different, more horrible way! “Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year,” the former reality star wrote in a blistering Facebook rant yesterday. Ugh, we wish we could grab Kat by her ink-covered shoulders and tell her to Not. Even. Waste. Her. Time. Since we can’t, instead we’ve compiled the 19 reasons no one on this beautiful blue planet ever should date Jesse James. You’d think the world wouldn’t need a list like this, but hey … let’s keep it from hitting 20, shall we?
19. That beard.
18. If Kat Von D’s upcoming album is anything like we imagine, there will be reasons not to date him set to music, emitting from your computer speakers.
17. Whimpered about how he felt “beaten up by the media” for um, you know, all those horrible, embarrassing things he did.
16. Got a book deal out of the whole thing, published American Outlaw.
15. Told Howard Stern that sex with Kat was “100 percent better” than with Sandra Bullock. Does he not know we can all hear the words coming out of his mouth?
14. Oh right, cheated on America’s sweetheart Sandra Bullock in the most painfully public way possible. She barely got to enjoy her Best Actress Oscar last year!
13. Photos of Jesse James in Nazi regalia are floating around the Internet, and you know your mom would find those! Or someone else’s mom! Or anyone!
12. Bombshell McGee, the woman with whom Jesse cheated on Sandra Bullock. That’s all we’ll say about that.
11. Actually, no it’s not. Bombshell McGee had racist and Nazi tattoos, too! The woman had a swastika near her lady business! It’s like we’re taking crazy pills here!
10. Even bombshell McGee didn’t think Jesse’s engagement to Kat D was a good idea, and she thinks horrible ideas are good ideas!
9. Has sold stuff for way more than it’s worth on eBay because of his notoriety, which just does not seem fair at all.
8. Morally tainted our enjoyment of Monster Garage reruns.
7. Allegedly called his marriage to Sandy a “sham.”
6. Allegedly had a foursome when Bullock was out of town promoting The Proposal. We can’t even.
5. Got defended by Whoopi Goldberg in the press, and you know she only defends the gross guys. Mel Gibson? Roman Polanski?
4.,3. and 2. That hair.
1. He is a 20-time cheater! And that’s just the number of women we’ve heard about! Isn’t that reason enough?