Guy On Meth Arrested For Killing And Eating Bobcat, Also Cockfighting

|

You know what we haven’t had in a while? One of those internet stories where every word makes less sense than the word before it, adding up to one big giant Russian-nesting-doll of a story that somehow makes crazy chaotic sense? Hello, what’s this?

Man on Meth Caught Eating Bobcat

Aaaaand it’s already one of those stories. Good job, meth guy and the internet! It probably can’t get weirder than that, but let’s read on anyway:

Henry Arnibal was arrested on Sleepy Valley Road, and stated he’d killed the bobcat with a .22 rifle, and then ate it, after it attacked his roosters, reports the Merc.

While it is not illegal to eat bobcat, it is illegal to kill one without a proper permit.

You need a BOBCAT KILLING PERMIT, dude. Of course modern society has those. What do you think this is, Deadwood? Also, eating the bobcat = no longer protecting your roosters, you’re just enjoying it.

But I’m sure it doesn’t get weirder than that. Let’s all pack it up and…

Santa Clara County Deputy District Attorney Steve Lowney said 50 roosters, cockfighting hooks, and the bobcat’s carcass were taken into evidence.

OH MAN IT GOT WEIRDER. Why did I keep typing that I didn’t think it would??? I kept setting myself up there, like some vulnerable bobcat wandering onto the property of an armed meth dude who owns cocks and cockfighting hooks that are now evidence. Am I person-cist if this is exactly how I picture everyone in the country who is not myself or some of my immediate friends and Ryan Gosling? Or is that just accurate?