Sorry to be such a girl. Well, actually, I’m not that sorry. But I had no prior knowledge of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ John Carter of Mars before they cast Taylor Kitsch in the movie. And after seeing the trailer, I’m still pretty fuzzy about the plot. The Disney website helps a bit: John Carter is a Civil War vet who gets transported to Mars, where he has super strength and the ability to jump really high. Then he gets embroiled in some kind of alien war, fighting on the side of the creatures that come a little too close to resembling Jar Jar Binks for our comfort. Anyway, I have no way of telling if I’ll like this movie yet. What I do know is that I like this new trailer 87 percent more than the trailer for Taylor’s other big upcoming movie, Battleship — that one had way too few Tim Riggins smoldering looks and way too many battleships (though Taylor wasn’t nearly as cheated as Alexander Skarsgard). Despite all that jumping and alien fighting, the John Carter preview shows us plenty of Taylor in his gladiator gear (but this is in the 1800s on Mars? Huh?). “You are ugly, but you are also beautiful,” some alien tells him. Well, that’s half true.
Here are 10 screencaps from the trailer, just so you can take a closer look without all that yelling and dramatic Led Zeppelin music.