A Handy Guide To Figuring Out How Much You Should Drink At Your Holiday Party

|

New York Magazine’s delicious food blog Grubster and author Matthew Latkiewicz have figured out the “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of drinking at your office holiday party. For example: “Do have a glass of wine!” and “Don’t wake up in a different state.”

They’ve even put together this handy little guide which you should definitely print and laminate and have on you at all times. It’s their handy guide to How Drunk You Can Get at Your Office Christmas Party:

No appletini icons on this list have rendered it nearly useless to me.

Now for any of you confused by the above list, the post itself dives into further explanations of what makes a company “cool” and “uncool,” and also accounts for any exception, such as whether or not there will be food at this party, and also just how badly you want to keep or lose your job.

Luckily, because I’m just over 6 feet tall, I can drink as much as I want and never, ever get drunk. See? It’s all the alcohol that makes me lie like that. Don’t be a liar this holiday season. Don’t drink too much.*

*JK.1
1Just be a lady about things.