I watched X Factor last night and have some opinions about who should probably go home. As such, I would like to bring these opinions to you here. I’m going to rank the performances from Favorite to Least Favorite, in the hopes of inspiring some lively debate! Because that’s how lists work.
Last night, the performers were asked to cover Michael Jackson songs, with Michael Jackson’s entire family in the audience. And man, were they thrilled!
Hmm, Blanket’s giving me a Danny Trejo vibe here. He’ll F some S up. And Paris is pretty! We’re happy for her. Also never forget Prince Jackson when he was a genius baby.
Now that all of the Jackson’s have finally taken their seat (seriously how are there so many of you), we can get to our list. Starting with our favorite:
#1: Melanie Amaro “Earth Song” Melanie’s really loosened up on this show ever since she came out as an Islander. Really, it could not have been easy bottling up that accept for the first few months of the show. Melanie also unleashed her inner dominatrix last night, ditching her usual shy and well-mannered appearance for a jacket from the Stevie Nicks’ Cinemax After Dark collaboration. She was still a little self-contained and controlled, but her voice is flaw-free.
#2: Marcus Canty “PYT REMIXXXX” I adore Marcus, and think he’s one of the best singers on the show. He’s also cute and humble and all that jazz that I taped to my bedroom ceiling in middle school. And sure, his voice wasn’t the best in this performance, but sh*t: The guy was GRINDING and doing BACKFLIPS while wearing a becoming VEST. Give him a break. Highlight of the vid: At around 3:35 when Canty drops the backflip bomb, and the camera cuts back to the Jackson children, who are in the middle of doing their taxes.
#3: Astro “Black Or White” Paris Jackson looks terrified throughout the whole thing. But I love Astro. I know he’s a little d*ck. It’s OK, because see? He cried a few episodes ago. Hot, embarrassed tears of a pre-teen getting schooled on national television. That has earned him a free pass for at least a few more weeks. THE KID WRITES HIS OWN LYRICS. If that’s not good enough to win X Factor, well can someone call the NOBEL COMMITTEE because he deserves something.
#4: Drew Ryniewicz “Billie Jean” I’m like kind of over Drew, even though she seems just so super sweet and am sure is a great gal. Just sitting in that chair like an extra in Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy,” cringing and writing while singing about her non-lover. And the chorus of “Billie Jean” ALWAYS sounds weird when it slows down. It doesn’t fit!! Guys STOP slowing this song down. David Cook tried and it DIDN’T WORK. Anyway, Drew ends up at #4 on this list because the performances below actually hurt my physically. She’s prettttty lucky.
#5: Rachel Crow “Can You Feel It” Confession: I had never heard this song before Rachel’s performance. But it has all the makings of something I’d like. Namely disco bells and a super-dated beat. But I really wish she would have done a different song. If she would have sang “I’ll Be There,” it would have been a lock for next week. But this performance was “On The Bubble” as they say in TopCheflandia.
#6: Josh Krajcik “Dirty Diana” I like Josh a whole lot, so let’s get that out of the way. Something about a man who can make a burrito with both arms tied behind his back is very appealing to me. But this performance was not invited into my home. This is like what you see in low budget movies when a character in the year 2047 goes into a strip club with a pre-cog. Couldn’t he have just cranked out a “Man In The Mirror” and shamoned his way through to the Top 6? Oh Josh. You are not safe tonight.
#7: Chris Rene “I’ll Be There” I don’t want to say anything that could possibly send this guy spiraling into a drug-induced depression. But this just wasn’t my cup of tea. For the record, the tea I’m drinking is “Please Stop Ruining Classic Songs Breakfast.” You can’t update a song by throwing a couple of Wyclef “Yeahs,” “One Time” and “Two Times” and expect me to plunk down 99 cents to buy the single. Sorry, what’s that? IT’S A DOLLAR TWENTY-NINE NOW? Well FORGET THAT. Sorry Chris. It’s your time.
So there you have it. I say Chris Rene will be calling it a reality career tonight. What do you guys think?
(Vids via ONTD)