Britney, we know we’ve been equal parts celebrating your birthday (and your 30 hottest looks and hair-volution) and taking the piss out of you (and your 30 worst looks and your cheese-tastic perfume commercials). But it’s all meant with love. To show you how much you mean to us, here is a list of all the things we’re going to fantasy buy you for your 30th b-day.
First, we asked our friends at Glamour.com, ’cause we thought they’d know what to get the woman who has everything: “A pair of Rollasole flats… just in case she’s ever stranded barefoot in a public restroom again,” said the site’s Obsessed blogger Suzy Byrne. She also decided that mere reality wouldn’t hold her back from the perfect gift: “Our super-duper new invention: the Glamovision Goggles! Brit-Brit can just slip on these superpowered shades when the paparazzi are around and — poof — she has the power to look perfect in every picture they take.”
And as a third gift, because Brit’s just that special, Suzy’s going to add one more present to the pile. “Back in 2008 when we interviewed her, she said she likes to stay home and read Danielle Steel novels, so we’d give her the complete collection, and throw in all the DVDs too.”
VH1 Blog’s Liz Black went for the low blow with her gift, but we think Brit will laugh along too: A new umbrella! Since she ruined the old one.
Our own Ambika Muttoo echoed Suzy’s desire to end barefoot bathroom trips. I’d like to give Britney this portable loo: Considering how many stories we’ve read about her various barefoot restroom stops! This should solve the problem.
“I would give Britney a Starbucks gift card, in honor of that three-year-period in which she was never photographed without a Frappucino in hand,” Halle Kiefer suggested.
After browsing through Britney’s hottest looks this week, Jordan Runtagh decided to go for a whimsical fashion-themed gift. “How about denim sheets?” he offered.
And as for yours truly, I’m going to help the pop queen rest her dance-weary feet with Bliss aloe leaf and peppermint foot lotion and softening socks, and then she can relax and watch Justin Timberlake in the just-released DVD of Just Friends. (Hey, age makes you get a little nostalgic about old boyfriends!)
[Photos: Getty Images, Amazon.com, Norsic.com, Splash News Online, Amazon.com]