Stop Staring At Beyonce’s And Jessica’s Heaving, Pregnant Bosoms!


We’re noticing a trend among celeb bloggers and journalists these days — and by the way, kids, in the biz, we declare three of anything a “trend”: Everyone is obsessed with boobs. Weird, right? Actually, I mean they’re obsessed with the growing mammary glands of famous pregnant ladies.

Mammary glands like these:

Which, yeah, Jessica Simpson’s are kind of hard to ignore, but they always were. Also, Jessica joked about them herself:

“My belly is officially bigger than my boobs..well kinda…ha,” Jess tweeted. But wait. Why are you still looking at these? Don’t you have better things to do than look at pregnant ladies’ knockers?

But professionally, for our job, we had to look at these:

Which, due to a small strappy thing showing in some pics, some people claim are totally fake-growing, like the fake-growing bump under Beyonce’s dress. Gawd. She was probably wearing some super-special undergarment so as to show off her ladies while also providing support, because I hear pregnancy is also a bit uncomfortable. But STOP LOOKING. Jay-Z is going to pepper spray your eyes if you keep staring at his woman! And the breasts that will one day feed his child!

Jay won’t mind if you look at Hilary Duff, though.

No, seriously, readers. Do you have some kind of Oedipal complex? Were you not breastfed as children? What’s that you say? Why do we keep posting these photos? Oh. Well. Um… This Virgin Mary’s gonna squirt her holy milk at you for questioning our outrage.

[Photos: Splash News Online, Twitter, Getty Images, Unknown Dutch Master via]

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