Taylor Lautner is the international mega-star who plays Jacob Black in the Twilight series. Now I don’t know a lot about the guy, and I’m sure he’s as lovely as can be. But I tell you who I would definitely get along with:
His Sassy Gay Hand
Now I’m not saying Taylor is at all gay. The fact that his abs would never touch me in a sexual manner has nothing to do with his sexuality, and possibly everything to do with the fact that I ate sliders for dinner last night. But I am saying his hand might be having an identity crisis. This is the gayest hand attached to someone named Taylor since Meshach Taylor in Mannequin…
Long story short, if Taylor’s hand wants to grab $20 mixed cocktails with me later, tell him to flip open a phone and call.