Here’s the thing: Sure a girl with a dragon tattoo sounds like she’d be an ass-kicking, hearty soul with a knack for solving murders and putting together Ikea furniture without the help of an Allen wrench. Obviously. But I’m pretty sure that’s just because we’ve been conditioned to think that ever since the book of the same name arrived on the shelves of everyone’s local Barnes and Noble five or so years ago. See, here in America, a girl with a dragon tattoo is much more likely to be, say, a down on her luck nineteen-year-old who owns more than one pair of vinyl pants and has a boyfriend who loves to take “artistic” photos of her while she sleeps. These are women whose body art is less “Scandinavian Crime Whiz” and more “Do I loop my thumbs into my panties this way to look sexy?”
So, to celebrate the December 21 release of a soon to be family-fun holiday classic, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, here are 20 Other Girls With Dragon Tattoos. (Some images slightly buttcracky and therefore NSFW.)
Perhaps the only photo shoot ever where there was a Lysol Wipes handler.
I always forget what I come into the kitchen for.
What Tricia didn’t realize was that after she had the baby, her belly would look like the skidmarks of a hit and run.
When I fart, I pretend it’s the dragon breathing fire. Pass the chimichangas?
I swear this vest used to fit me… before the accident. (She fell into implants.)
The greatest single painting ever drawn by a 16-year-old boy, said all other 16-year-old boys.
Where’s your blanket-fringe comber when you really need it?
Hand me my Cetaphil?
Someone should have warned her that her butt mole was going to look like dragon sh*t.
This is what happens when a dollar bill drops acid.
Oh my god, NO, I didn’t get this because of that dumb book The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, I got this because of that AWESOME book Game Of Thrones. Now please, call me Khaleesi.
Proof that the Internet is by nerds, for nerds.
That’s right, cover yourself. We wouldn’t want to call attention to your breasts.
“Hey Girl! I’m just a gay dragon!” “No biggie!” — Jesus
At the very least, I hope this tattoo will hide the fact that I don’t have a butt crack.
This woman’s tattoo is actually on her butt crack, no need to panic.
Hey, eyes up here! Yeah, on my antlers!
Miss Modesty over here…
And this is why we don’t lie on the beds at Bed Bath & Beyond.
Nobody tell the other Cheerios I did this, ‘kay?
A Final Word From Liz: It may feel like I go a little negative with the whole “here are what trashy American girls with tattoos look like” but full disclosure: I have a tattoo of a lizard on my lower back. So I am basically calling myself out for being disgusting. But mine is CUTE.