The Kardashian Family has some sort of Vigo the Carpathian hold over television executives everywhere, which always leaves me worrying that they’re not going to have enough time to open up a store that only sells products with their names and faces on it.
WELL WORRY NO MORE!!!
Kardashian Khaos is the actual name of a real store opening up at The Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas. Only this is not a mirage at all, IT’S REAL FOLKS!!!!!!!! The store kind of reminds me of the Celine Dion store at Caesar’s Palace, where I once spent $200 on goods with Celine Dion’s face on it. (Photographic evidence here.) Best decision I’ve ever made.
So just what kind of stuff can you buy at Kardashian Khaos? Let’s take a look around!
KIM KARDASHIAN FACE FANS
Just the thing you need when someone passes out because they’re Spanx cut off the circulation to their brain. Also, this is a great gag for Kim, who always says “I see all my fans are here” then points to this jar and laughs while her staff snorts Ricin off the end of a gun.
KARDASHIAN FAMILY BEACH TOWELS
Yup, there’s Kim, on the left, and Kourtney, in the middle… and I’m not quite sure who that is on the end? Kendall? S1M0NE?? Bruce?! Perhaps it’s Khloe, who has just been airbrushed by the inventor of MS Paint.
AUTOGRAPHED KARDASHIAN PHOTOS
It should be noted, all the prices in this store are written in Zimbabwean dollars and are, therefore, actually free. I’d gladly pay Z$40 for these pics!
Jesus, these women can’t get enough of their f*cking fans, can they?
KARDASHIAN DO NOT DISTURB DOORTAG
You guys, there’s a sex tape being made in here. Seriously, you guys, Shhhhhhh……
KARDASHIAN WHORE PAINT
Yup, they have their own branded makeup. Once you open it up, though, it’s actually just the light from the Men In Black memory eraser so that you can forget you ever spent money at Kardashian Khaos. Pretty thoughtful, actually.
AND THAT’S EVERYTHING!
BONUS: The ladies of Absolutely Fabulous have a unique opinion on the Kardashian Klan:
But seeeeriousleeeee who is gonna drive me to Vegas this weekend? You sir? Perfect.