Before I tell you about the VH1 DIVAS Celebrates Soul concert that will be airing tonight on VH1 at 9/8 C, I want to make something clear. I am an employee of VH1. Obviously. However, the raves you are about to read for this show, which I was lucky enough to attend last night at New York’s Hammerstein Ballroom, have nothing to do with my employment at this fine company. Because really, of any event I’ve ever had to go to for work, this was above and beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I almost want to take my paycheck this week and just tear it up as a thank you. (Shame I laminate my paychecks otherwise I seriously would.)
Now last time I went to Divas, I wore a full-length gown and got my hair twisted into a prom updo, because I thought that was a kind of funny, but the truth is ANY REASON TO DO THIS AND I WILL. But I learned my lesson when that same night, I felt like the biggest shmuck on Earth because I wasn’t actually on the roster to perform. This year I got smart… Jeans and a top and a mid-day Divas Bang Trim, code for my bangs got butchered at 4 PM. (Too short, natch.)
The energy in the Divas auditorium was palpable, as was the amount of tequila in the mixed drink I requested. But there was no time to drink Hornitos and eat delicious mini cupcakes! (OK, there was a little time, I had two cupcakes, eaten in the corner in the dark.) That’s because Ms. Florence Welch was on stage in a floor-length silver dress, performing her new single “Shake It Up” and kicking the night off in amazing fashion.
From there some INSANE SH*T happened. How about a stage with Jennifer Hudson, Kelly Clarkson and Mary J. Blige covering The Supremes? Don’t believe me? WATCH THIS FOOTAGE:
Get More: VH1 Divas Celebrates Soul
This is followed up with a dose of Erykah Badu, Mavis Staples, Jill Scott and CHAKA KHAN? Come on. No. How could this be a show? Well it is. It exists. And I haven’t even brought up my favorite Diva of all who was there…
My Favorite Diva, Mob Wives star Renee Graziano!
It’s important to mention that my favorite guys ever, Boyz II Men, showed up and sang MOTOWN PHILLY. I never knew I was capable of such pure unfiltered bliss until this moment. That giant Titanic dummy you’ll notice hurtling towards the stage from the second mezz tonight is me sacrificing myself to Wanye.
The only pang of negativity I felt last night was that of jealousy, that I myself am not a rich and famous diva, so as to afford some of the to-plotz-for outfits seen on stage. Specifically Florence Welch, who shares my love of a floor-length flowy dresses with sleeves.
You will definitely want to set your DVRs to record tonight’s show. Tonight, 9 PM ET/8 C, VH1, Divas. To continue celebrating the celebration of soul, I’ve put together a special Divas-themed For Your Consideration with stills from the special as well as some red carpet pics from before the show. And you know what? I put on a gown to write this post because EFF IT. Enjoy!
BEST IMPRESSION OF ONE OF DOLLY’S BREASTS IN A SMALL BRA
“YOU WANT ME TO SING? DON’T ASK ME TO SING. I CAN’T SING. OK, AND A ONE AND A TWO, OH, I MISSED IT.”
RUNNING LATE TO PHILOSOPHY CLASS AT BENNINGTON COLLEGE
LIVING MY DREAM OF WEARING FULL BODY SPANX OUT AS AN OUTFIT
I CAN’T STAY MAD AT YOU!-IEST
I PETA THE FOOL WHO DOESN’T LOVE THIS FUR
LADY BUSINESS IN THE FRONT, FORMAL PARTY IN THE BACK
MY FACE DURING WAR HORSE
SHE PEELED HERSELF UP FROM THE RED CARPET LIKE T-1000
MY IDEAL DREAMGIRLS CAST
Jennifer Hudson, Kelly Clarkson & Mary J. Blige
PANTS THAT MIGHT BREAK YOUR FLATSCREEN
Samuel KangoL. Jackson
YES WE CHAKA KHAN
POSTER FOR MEN IN BLACK 3 WHERE I’D ACTUALLY SEE THE MOVIE
Questlove and Guest
CELEBRATING THE BLUES
Star Of The Fringe Festival
I LEGIT THOUGHT THIS WAS A PIC OF ME AND J-HUD FOR 3 MINUTES
J-Hud and Jessie J
MOMENT MY SH*T BECAME OFFICIALLY LOST
Boyz II Men Singing Motown Philly
PROJECT RUNWAY: SEXESSORIES
Jessie J and J-Hud
THE VELVET FOG
IS SHE LEVITATING IN THIS PIC?
BOOTS MADE OUT OF A GAY ARMADILLO
MR. NAS IF YOU’RE NASTY
AND SOMEWHERE IN OKLAHOMA, IT RAINED
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU. (AT DIVAS, BIG BROTHER IS ARETHA FRANKLIN)
The Divas Stage
MY NOMINEE FOR SUPERBOWL HALFTIME SHOW ONCE MADONNA INEVITABLY DROPS OUT
COMMON SENSE TELLS ME HE SHOULD FATHER MY FIRST BORN
TWO PEOPLE WHO COULD PROBABLY SHARE BRAS
Dolly Parton and Queen La
YOU GUYS COLD? I’M FREEZING.
VERY IN-VEST-ED IN THIS PERFORMANCE*
Boyz II Men (*Also I’m quitting comedy.)
WINNER OF THE DIVAS CELEBRATE SOUL AIR GUITAR CONTEST
MAVIS, DOING A LITTLE CROWD WORK
Mavis Staples and Erykah Badu
THEN EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE GOT TESTED FOR GLAUCOMA
NAILING HIS AUDITION FOR THE CRUNKIEST LINCOLN ASSASSINATION
MAKIN’ IT RAIN
Mary J. Blige
FIGHTING TO LEGALIZE POLYGAMY SO THAT I MAY MARRY ALL OF THEM
Boyz II Men
Although we’ve come… to the endddd of the posssst…. still I can’t let go…
FOR MORE ON TONIGHT’S AMAZING VH1 DIVAS SHOW, CHECK OUT TUNER, VH1′s BRAND NEW MUSIC BLOG!
[Photos: Getty and Lauren Deiman/Vh1]